Thursday, September 17, 2015

Updates from the virtual living room.

Did you know that slipping and falling down is funny when it happens to others, but extremely painful otherwise? Did you also know that the pain is directly proportional to the number of people who witnessed it? I am just adding to Murphy’s Law, because Murphy never fell down and hurt his ankle with at least 25 people watching him. Pretending that nothing happened and walking away without making eye contact is easy because the pain is already blinding.

Image Corutesy: Here
This happened to me when the week started, and I did not tell my parents. We have a family group on whatsapp so anything that is said in it, is like talking in our living room.  There are not enough emoticons in whatsapp that represent most common emotions from our living room, but whatsapp has certain limitations you see. It cannot cater to the emotional demands of every family. However, the shocked emoticon would have been used more often, if whatsapp existed in my school days.  If you are wondering why my parents should be shocked, you don’t know me enough. My report cards usually evoke feelings of shock. I sometimes wish that had I been a school girl now, I would just take a picture of my report card and send it on whatsapp before opening the door of my room. This way verbal abuse and emotional blackmailing could be avoided. The luxuries kids enjoy these days! Back in time, we had to make eye contact with parents on report card day. It was so hard I tell you.

I decided not to tell parents about the ‘great fall’ of this week because it was not as fatal as the one Humpty Dumpty had. However, I am the ultimate dumbo who  took a picture of my foot in ankle support and accidentally posted it in the group. Don’t ask what happened next.

I am kind of responsible for most some of the disasters happening to me, so I owned this one completely. Thanks to WhatsApp I didn't have to make eye contact and I also have options to send flowers, hearts, wine and beer to cool them down. And it is FREE ! Now it is all fine.
We have some upcoming holidays (perks of being in the Middle East) and a Switzerland trip coming soon. Real soon! Adding a cherry on that cold coffee with extra cream, this blog was chosen by Blogadda as one among the top five blogs in India under the ‘Humor and Satire’ category! How cool is that? That is cooler than Switzerland right now!

Well, there are so many things happening. The ankle should heal, packing is pending, and it is getting busy at office each day. I have to update my virtual living room as well about the progress I am making. I am doing pretty well in heels today ;-)

My son had been asking me repeatedly to show him exactly where I fell down. He likes my ankle support and wants to wear it too. Which means, he probably thinks once he stages a fall there he will get to wear ankle support too? Man, how his brain works! My son has widened my imagination exponentially over the years.


Hence I solemnly dedicate the blog award to him. 

Monday, September 7, 2015

Vacation, Onam and a Dress Code Disaster.

I am back after a three-week vacation to India, and boy what a getaway it has been! Braving the rains we travelled to Thekkady, Kuttikkanam and Kanyakumari apart from Cochin and Trivandrum. Then there was Onam, two baptisms in the family, a housewarming, an engagement party, catching up with old friends… Three weeks flew by like a dream with lots of food in it. By food, I mean meat and by meat, I mean red meat. Going by the red meat I ate in the last few weeks, I realized that I am not the same person I was maybe ten years ago. My younger self would feel guilty before sinking my teeth into that third cutlet, but now I am arrogant, unregretful and endlessly hungry.If that is the case, in another ten years I may become a cannibal.

The thing I hate the most about our vacations is the inevitable train ride between Trivandrum and Cochin. Being the Trivandrum person that I am, I was warned against marrying the Cochin guy, citing geographical hurdles I may have to overcome. Like all things we learn only from experience, this one was learnt in a hard way. Trains have been hell rides for me. I have tried to dodge the train by planning car/plane trips, but it has to be the train to get the collective approval from elders. Well. The train is basically a reminder that life is not a bed of roses; it can be a rodent infested compartment too. From the smelly curtains to the non-functioning fan/AC to the nosey aunty who wants to record the census of my family, I hate every bit of it. The only thing that is to be loved is the super economic ticket charges. IRCTC is slow for a purpose, my dear friend. It knows that you will wait.

Another remarkable achievement during the vacation was that a lot of badminton was played in the evenings. Cochin is known for mosquitoes that barge into our houses in large numbers in the evenings. If we didn't play, we’d be anyway doing something similar in action, which is swatting mosquitoes, so badminton seemed like a strategic choice of sport. Whenever I was not playing I stayed close to my son who was wearing a mosquito repellent sticker. Note to parents: If you want to visit Cochin, buy your kids mosquito repellent stickers and do not snub them during your stay there. Cochin mosquitoes can bite like dogs I tell you.


Mahabali. Image Courtesy: Here
For my son, this vacation had been immensely enriching. Like, the time he met Mahabali at the mall during Onam week. Now he points at random potbellied men and screams ‘Look Amma Mahabali!’
Ranbir Kapoor played Barfi in a two-hour movie. God knows how many times I played Barfi.



The vacation was not all rosy, though. There was a sufficient dose of embarrassment too. During our stay in Cochin there was a memorial gathering to which the in-laws were invited. According to the understanding I had with the hubby, we were not planning to go and were supposed to drop them and return to the mall. So I was dressed for the mall, in jeans and a loose top. Later, in an unexpected twist, we were forced to attend this prayer with no time to change. At the event, all people were elegantly dressed in pristine whites and other respectable colors. I was the only one, in jeans, loose top, unkempt hair, a small backpack and flat shoes. I wasn’t the immediate family so people did not care about what I wore, but I felt like being in a spotlight. Yes, I did get a few lame looks here and there, some with pity and others wondering if I wore skinny jeans at a memorial service, what I’d wear for a party. After I topped my plate with food and hid behind a pillar wishing that I was invisible, I realized how important dress codes are and how it can make you squirm with embarrassment.
Lesson learnt; when in India, always carry an alternate decent dress. You never know when you will be dragged into a church.

I consoled myself thinking about the day I spotted a Dominos Pizza delivery boy who turned up near our building, on Onam day around lunch time. Eating pizza for lunch on Onam day is far worse than wearing skinny jeans for a memorial service, right? 
Right?
No?