Sunday, March 2, 2014

How to cure the 'Lazy Husband' syndrome !

It all started with a TV remote. In the times of Doordarshan or DD-1, there was no need of a remote control and it was somewhat easier to agree with parents. And then there was DD-2, the first ever reason why we disagreed (over the TV). However, when we switched to the 8:00 pm inevitable English News on DD-1, we got up from our chairs and pressed the tab on the right side of the TV monitor and came back to our seat, thus burning about 3 calories. And this was celebrated by Doordarshan by playing the most depressing tune in the history of music as if it was a prelude to the equally depressing people who were about to read it. So the TV never got us addicted to it, thanks to the sad jingles, programs, outrageously fashion retarded cast or the grief stricken anchors none of which changed since Independence.

Later, the TV started swelling and eventually bursting with channels. It also made twice the number of disagreements as there were people in the family. More differences, more rooms, more TVs and lesser compatibility. Earlier all I had to worry about was Mamta Kulkarni or Manisha Koirala who may do the most inappropriate act, at the most crucial time (when parents were around). But now I flip channels completely warned and aware that anyone from Sunny Leone to Dora the explorer may strip at any point of time. It is impossible to watch TV with kids L

Weekend trips to the Electricity, Water and Telephone offices to pay bills, register complaints etc. were replaced by online portals, and now there are apps so that trip is saved. But when we did drive to the office and stood in long queues, we were taught the value of time, money and most importantly patience. As a bonus, few calories were also burnt without our knowledge. Similarly, we don’t need to go to the railway station to book a ticket; it is done by gliding those fingers on the phone. But this website gives us the real feel of actually driving to the railway station on an exhaustingly sultry day. That’s our very own IRCTC. It teaches the internet generation what it is to be in a queue, and wait patiently under the scorching sun until we are given a seat in the Waiting List Number 786. Everyone from our internet generation should book a ticket in IRCTC to learn some moral science.

Trips to the library are completely avoidable as we can read them at our convenience on the tab. In most cities there are facilities to get groceries delivered at our doorsteps so no need to go there either. Pizza is delivered to my couch, and tomorrow it may be delivered to my mouth. Washing machines, dishwashers, blenders and food processors do most of the cleaning and chopping. A lot of work is thus reduced.

We used to set timers on cameras to click family pics, now there are remote controls to do that as well. Movie tickets are available online. At least 95% of bank transactions and school fees are paid online. Clothes and shoe shopping is booming on websites. And I look at the jammed roads and wonder…Where are all these people going?

Basically, the reasons our parents had to get off that chair and do some errands do not exist anymore; which is why we need to work out and eat right. However a certain someone at home has not worked out since last five months. Each day there was a new reason not to do so. I wonder there is some app on iphone which generates ridiculous excuses every day? Otherwise how on earth is it possible to come up with ‘There is a dog on that route which I suspect has rabies?’

It is really tough to inspire people and get them to do something for their own health. And it is tougher to inspire them on a daily basis, as there are lesser inspirational stories than there are excuses.

Here is my million dollar idea for the existing Nike-iphone app that counts calories while walking. Hubby WAS a regular user of this app, when he used to walk, long ago when Atal Behari Vajpayee was the Prime Minister.  This can be upgraded for an additional feature: When the user does not use the app on a certain (lazy) day, the iphone should just shut down until the next day. The ipad should synchronize the same command and shut down as well. Nothing cripples men more than this. And I am sure the fear of the phone shutting down will get the laziest of men run for their lives health. All the ladies who have excuse generating husbands will thank iphone for this...at least I will.

So as I was at my desk thinking of productive ways to get the hubby to exercise, somewhere else in the world, Nike came up with another brilliant idea. Someone designed new running shoes the laces of which will tie on its own. This is the same person that constructed an elevator to his gym.
  



18 comments:

  1. nice article...keep in touch :) plz join my blog
    http://9shonalimukherji9.blogspot.in/

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  2. seriously... dont give such blasphemous ideas out loud... people like me will be disconnected from the network altogether!! :D
    My jogging shoes is now home to so many cobwebs and spiders... they've built a villa in there with a spider jacuzzi. It would be inhuman to drive them away

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    1. Spiders dont care you know...if you drive them away they might go somewhere else..now go and clean those shoes ! Wait. Am I talking to a doctor ? :-o

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  3. YOu ought to keep rewards at the end of 'em health stuff to keep us men motivated! ;)

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    1. I hope all these so called 'men' start realizing they are not toddlers anymore before wearing those trainers!

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  4. Elevator to the gym? Seriously?

    At home, we get about 899 channels. The time I have to watch them is zero. Why? Because I'm busy glued to my lappie for work or something else. There should be an apocalypse and everything should just vanish. Because we seriously need to get back to the DD 1 times. I so miss waiting for a movie to be played at 4pm on Sundays!

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    1. :-) I was not allowed to watch 4 pm movie whether I waited for it or not :-(

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  5. I feel like I'm living in the dark ages. I prefer going to the supermarket to shop for my weekly groceries. Since home delivery of pizzas is not free, we prefer walking up to our favourite pizza corner.

    Two years in Brisbane, we have yet to buy a car. It does help that we live in the Central Business District and have a fanstastic public transport network :-)

    I laughed the hardest @ Hubby used to walk when Atal Behari was the PM. Psst..were you even married then?

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    1. I wasn't married then...but I feel like Ive been married to him since forever ! :D

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  6. You know, IRCTC might just make you there brand ambassador.
    and NIKE- SHOE LACES- TIE ON THERE OWN...What??????????
    Seriously sometimes I too look down the streets and wonder, where are these people going. And then I order a pizza online.

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    1. Dint u know about the Nike shoe laces? Google ;-)
      haha online pizzas. Havent done that in like a thousand years... some day down the line I stopped liking it :-/

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  7. U certainly have a way with words.. Liked all ur posts.. Esp. the Condition serious and the idli post..
    God Bless!

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  8. Come to think of it, its been a long time since I heard that "most depressing tune in the history of music" I think the last time I heard it was when Hrithik Roshan reproduced it perfectly in the movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

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    1. hahaha yeah that movie was freakin awesome :D

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  9. good post anita..ya haddock..that was indeed awesome movie i enjoyed very much (ZNMD)..all the best anita...

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