Last Friday after an occasional purchase, I walked down to the mall parking area where hubby and kiddo had agreed to meet me after our separate indulgences.
‘What did you buy now for XX Rials?” He exclaimed, before I could say anything.
No, he does not have any telepathic capabilities. Our evil bank gave us spouse credit cards and whenever I use mine, he gets a message.
‘Shoes’ I mumbled, arrogantly and not making eye contact. Obviously he thought I bought a car.
He did not say a word, or remind me of the number of existing pairs (he knows better), we just drove home.
The next day we were out again, this time I was wearing THE shoes. After walking a bit inside the mall, I felt something on my toe so I removed the shoe and knelt down for a closer examination. Blood. The pointed toe red shoes which I thought was crafted to perfection had made me bleed. I also noticed that my toe nails had overgrown as I don’t remember trimming those in the last three years. I squeezed my toes back into the shoes and started walking in slow motion careful not to limp.
All women know that when she sees blood on her toes, the whole world abandons her and instantly she is all alone. She can’t tell her parents, as their response is programmed to ‘In addition to the 678 existing ones?’ be it clothes or shoes. She can’t tell her husband due to obvious reasons or the kid in my case, who can’t understand the concept of secrecy or bribery yet. Now all she has are her friends on whatsapp. One of them assured that once I trim my nails it will be fine, another suggested that I walk in it more often so it will stretch a bit to make more room for my chubby toes. However both of them told me to suffer in silence and not to drive because the right foot is kind of important in automatic cars. Also, I don’t wear shoes while driving and it may expose my wound to potential audience in the front seat who are waiting to pounce on crucial law points like this.
At the parking area, I pretended to be tired so I could explain the slow walking. I almost baby walked straight to the passenger seat.
‘Are you not driving? Why did you get a license then? When are you going to drive? Why did you take car driving lessons?’
Other versions of the above questions kept coming and I finally said,
‘My feet hurts’.
He got into the driver’s seat and we drove out of the mall.
Meanwhile I bent a bit low and flashed my phone torch on the bruised toe ( I admit I shouldn't have done this). The blood clot near the toenail now looked so red that it actually matched with the shoes. I sat up and carried on the pretense.
‘What happened to your feet?’ He asked.
I am a crappy liar, so as I was trying to assemble some words to make a believable line, when he asked that earth shattering question.
He: ‘I hope it is not because of the XX Rial shoes’.
Me: ‘What? No! What makes you think that?’
He: ‘Nothing’. He made a straight face.
Straight face meant that HE KNEW.
As soon as I reached home I placed my beautiful pair of red shoes in the shoe rack. I also trimmed the toenails even though what really needed trimming was the toes. I wondered how he guessed so quickly that my new shoe hurt. Well, the price obviously hurt but one can’t run into conclusions about moderately overpriced, yet beautiful shoes.
God knows what else that bank tells him besides the details of my shopping bills.
Spouse credit cards are evil.