Thursday, May 8, 2014

Why most women hate each other ;-)

We, women are intensely guarded about ourselves. This makes us shrewd in a way that is mostly harmless, but it adds to our list of enemies. For example, let’s say we walked into a party and liked a sari, jewelry, blouse pattern or a handbag of another woman, and we wanted to know how and where they bought it from, or got it customized.

Firstly, the distance between us and the woman in question is full of the unseen reality called ego topped with a fog of jealousy. It is so heavy and opaque that it weighs us down. Complimenting another woman or asking her where she got it from is like losing our dignity for life. Some people have no qualms to appreciate anything that they like, even complete strangers have given me compliments but for majority others, it is a mammoth effort to break free from their comfort bubbles (where they are reigning Queens and everyone else are just subjects) and ask the question. It hurts.

Once Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) said in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, ‘Oh its okay, women hate me’ with pride. So we can safely assume that if you are someone most women don’t keep too much company with then either you have something that is too enviable ( rich husband, luxury car, branded wardrobe, diamond jewelry being the common reasons) , or you have a great figure.

Now comes the second part of it. Suppose I leave my ego at home and walk into a party ( in reality this is not possible, it’s like the critics telling you to leave your brain at home and go watch Golmaal series) and let’s say all women are wearing enviably pretty accessories.

Me: Hey your blouse is so pretty and perfectly stitched! Where did you get it made?

Other woman: “Oh this is my mother’s blouse…hers is a tailor near our family home…I think that tailor relocated…’

Mother’s blouse! It looked exactly like the one Shilpa Shetty wore in one of her item songs.  This woman will tell you her email password but not her tailor’s address. She safeguards his identity like one of her deepest secrets which can be revealed only by conducting a narcotic analysis on her.
***********
Me: ‘Hey nice shoes! Where did you get these from?’

Other woman: ‘You like it ? I don’t know where it is from. Someone gifted it to me.’

Since when did people start gifting shoes to adults? :-o
***********

Me: ‘Hey! Your earrings are beautiful! From where did you get these?’

Other woman: ‘These are my sister’s earrings…I will ask her and let you know.. .’

This is a temporary escape. We will not ask further questions about where her sister is, as it is obvious that she doesn’t want to say it. But if you insist she will not hesitate to say that her sister is a nomad with no permanent address.
***********

Me: ‘Hey your kids are so well behaved and speak so fluently! Which school do they go to?’

Other woman: ‘Thanks! They go to XYZ School. But the fee is high and they spend a lot of time commuting to and fro. Also the admissions have closed…it difficult to get into, you need to have recommendation letter from Barack Obama…blah blah…’

This is a full sermon. She does not want your kid to go to that school. Amen.
***********

Me: ‘Hey, what a gorgeous Kurti! Where did you get this from?’

Other woman: ‘I bought this like five years ago…I don’t remember exactly…’

It is brand new. She bought it for this party the day before. I am not a donkey I know what five year old kurtis look like.
***********

Me: ‘Hey how did you bake these cookies? Can you share the recipe?’

Other woman: ‘Sure I will mail you dear.’

This woman’s first priority will be to block you or anyone who asked the recipe from google chat.
***********

Me: ‘Hey how did your chicken fry come out so crunchy outside and soft inside? Any tip you can share?’

Other woman: ‘No…I just put the chicken in oil…and I did it in the last minute yaa’

We have tongues, woman. And we use it to taste food at meal times. (Henceforth we will use it to badmouth you).  And we have had fried chicken before; it’s not our first time.
***********

Me: ‘What a beautiful neckpiece is that! Where did you get it from?’

Other woman: ‘Oh thanks! My grandmother gave me this. It was made by a goldsmith known to her. If you want I can ask her’

This woman I talked to is already in her late 40s. The chance that her grandmother is alive is thousand to one, and even if she is, she may barely remember her own name. And if you ask her this goldsmith question she may even die trying to remember it.
***********

So basically, women don’t tell you anything. We divulge nothing about ourselves, but  try to extract every single detail about other women. If we are successful enough extracting a little bit we are very creative to fill voids with assumptions and spicy details. The secretive behavior even to our best friends is one of the reasons why we say women are more complicated than the intricate design on their antique jewelry.

Last week I met my husband’s friend at the supermarket. He’s a cheerful guy and while talking to him I noticed his wrist watch which looked very elegant.

Me: ‘Wow what a watch! Tag Heur?’

That guy: ‘ Arrey, nono! It is Swatch. You know the Qurm City Centre? When you go to Carrefour supermarket, there is a Swatch showroom on the right no? I bought it from there. They still have it’.

I dint even ask him.


 Image courtesy: Google images.

32 comments:

  1. hahahaha!!! This was soooooooooooooo hilarious!!! I mean every line... I donno which one to quote!! I read.. and I want to read again!

    The only time I don't tell other women stuff is when there is sale. Lol!!! I want to get there and get my size :p
    But I've met these women... who cook in minutes, who get tons of gifts and who wear borrowed clothes all the time!

    P.S. I know you are happy that I commented within minutes of your posting. This is my thankyou for the ROFL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I felt so special thanks a ton Nisha!! And glad you laughed!

      Delete
  2. HAHAHAHA, the contrast :P

    So true, when I complement my colleague on her new chinos, she smiles sweetly and then turns away and tells her friends that I'm jealous of her figure :D All I was doing was trying to be nice :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ioooooooooo this is me :(
    I compliment but I don't divulge where I get my pretty things from. Why should anyone wear a better blouse than me or bake better cakes than me. There is a line of people already ahead of me so at least let me save what I have .

    Such a funny post!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Red! But I do give every detail of where I get my compliment worthy stuff from! Never felt the need to be secretive! :-D

      Delete
  4. hahahhahhaha!!! Firstly, you did a great job in unraveling the reason why most women hate each other. Given the trend to hide the source of our pretty things, I fear I too might enter the league someday. But that will happen around 10 years into the future.. when I become a Punjabi aunty.. xD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hihi thanks for the comment and welcome to this space!

      Delete
  5. Haha! That was a detailed explanation. I always used to ponder over the same reason. Glad to have found this article. :)
    Liked it like anything!

    Keep blogging O:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol :D Women are such complex creatures ! And the post is absolutely hilararious ! Loved it :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahaha gotta agree with what Red said. Why should someone wear something better than me or have something nicer! I never ever tell who's my tailor even to my closest relatives but hey, my mom's got the skill to make people spill the beans so we know where most people go to or shop from ;) :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aha that's really cunning you both! Poor tailor let him get more customers ya!

      Delete
  8. I'd always been such a blabber-mouth...Couple of years back there was this instance during a coffee break with d ladies in my team, I was waxing eloquent on the short-cuts i normally use to clean my house in a jiffy whenever i get wind of a short-notice guest coming & there was this lady (clearly an aspiring secret-life-management-guru) who leaned forward chidingly & told me..."Never divulge your short-cuts to anyone Amogha...anyone! You are not going to get any back.." gyaan of the year for me...or perhaps....gyaan of a lifetime!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh same here Amogha.. I do say details about these things...I do know what not to say but that's nothing connected to clothes or jewelry!

      Delete
  9. Hahhahha..
    Dis is so hilarious..!!!
    And very well written and summarised!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hahaha this was awesome. But, I don't do any of this, making the think for the nth time if I am a woman or not?

    When people ask me where I get my stuff from, I even draw out directions for them :P. I don't care what they do, because I know that I will still look better than all of them. Okay I might be a woman now. Also, I don't compliment women. I do not feel the need to.

    Okay, I am a woman alright!

    :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am like you on this one. I do give details about where I got my things from. I also compliment others. That makes me a man may be :-D

      Delete
    2. I do the same.. But are only Indian women like this? I think women in USA are a little more open to complimenting...

      Delete
    3. Yes that is true Sunitha. Even here in the middle east women compliment each other a lot without inhibitions.

      Delete
  11. Haha true. No wonder i mingle more with men than women :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha you mingle with men. I think I am a man :-D

      Delete
  12. That man must be me in drag. I'm always dying to tell others where I got my stuff from. After all sharing is caring, no?

    Psst...Anita, you need a new set of friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ya me too !

      Who says these are my friends :D :D :D lol

      Delete
  13. Hahahaha..this is something so awesome to read.
    Refreshing post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Noopur, and welcome to this space !

      Delete
  14. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post, It is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Waxing Services at VLCC Wellness. Including full body, face, bikini wax, or French Manicure, Brazilian Wax. Waxing for Women

    ReplyDelete