Thursday, November 6, 2014

Bucket List Status: One down, 728356 to go.

Image Courtesy: Google Images

I have a bucket list which had been conveniently ignored ever since the birth of my son. The procrastinator in me was hoping to hang on to the same when suddenly in the month of September, realization dawned (no, it wasn’t anything I ate, it just happened). What am I doing? At this pace I may just die at some shopping mall and no one will even know I existed. My bucket list had started glaring back at me. I had to take some initiative. The last time I remember taking some initiative was in the labor room. Let’s not go into that now.

In Oman, the entire journey from getting a learner’s book to the license is like a monkey maze with snakes and ladders in between. Before you get any ideas that this is anything close to interesting, let me remind you that the ladders are lined with fire and the snakes are King Cobras. I got the learner’s book after the eye test and signal test, which is a baby step towards the goal. And baby steps don’t count for adults.

Soon I found a trainer near the place where I stay, and when I went on my first driving session with him, he made me feel so nostalgic, I couldn’t believe my ears. He sounded exactly like my parents when I was 17 and they were pushing me to clear the entrance examination. Sweet! I knew I was in for a rough ride. But there was no looking back.
Image Courtesy: Google Images.

I got the license yesterday, so I want to share with you the invaluable gems of wisdom I happened to get in the process.

1. Do not mess with the driving instructor. If they don’t press their side of the brakes, you are dead.

2. Time is everything, so is timing. Never make the instructor wait for you.

3. The instructor will talk. You will listen. That is how it works.

4. You must be a veteran in the art of how not to convert your thoughts into words.

5. The argument that you have only one pair of eyes will stay in your head. Forever.

6. Traffic signals can’t see you. They don’t get it when you are giving it a deadly stare.

7. No matter how long you've been driving, you just cannot spare a moment to check your hair in the rear view mirror. You may have done your hair and make up in India when cows in slow motion where crossing the road, but that simply does not apply here.

8. If your instructor is checking Facebook or WhatsApp chats on his phone while you drive, it does not mean that he trusts you. Remember, his foot is firm on the brakes.

9. Silence is golden. Always scream internally.

10. Always say ‘Sir’ at the end of every sentence spoken to the instructor. It goes a long way.

11. If he says you touched the white line, you probably did. Always agree with him.

12. When he is mad at you, shut down your mind and keep driving. Do not restart it.

13. Even if your enemy is trying to cross the road, let him. Chill, you will get      better opportunities.

14. Parking between the lines is not as easy as reading between the lines.

15. You are allowed to swell with pride when you get that parking right between the cars. Unfortunately nobody appreciates good parking and you don’t get any brownie points. Life is a bitch.

16. Do not check your eyebrows while waiting at a signal. Traffic signals are evil they sense it and suddenly turn green.

17. ‘Orange’, ‘Amber’ and ‘Yellow’ are the same when it comes to traffic signals. It means DANGER.

18. Do not stop or reduce speed for the pigeons. Their lives are suspense thrillers. Yours is not.

19. When you drive, anything he eats sitting next to you may smell tempting. Do not look. Try not to think about it. Never drool.

20. When he is drinking hot coffee, continue driving normally. We are not authorized to change anybody’s destiny. If anything untoward happens, refer points 3 and 9.



30 comments:

  1. PROUD OF YOU...License holderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    POINT NO 14...HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

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  2. You rock on, Girl! Congrats once more. I shall keep all those points in mind! I'm almost there. Gulp.

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  3. These tips would be helpful for me too in the long run . .hilarious compilation :)

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  4. good luck with the rest of the very formidable bucket list !!!! :)

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  5. Congrats....enjoyed it...ROFL

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  6. Whatta post! Truly invaluable insights my dear.... I'm considering framing points 3 and 9 & hanging them down my neck... applies to almost all planes of existence...hehe..

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    1. That is true Amogha...in fact most points applies to everywhere else...u just have to replace the instructor :D

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  7. Oops....missed the most imp. thing..... CONGRATS Anita. You simply rock!!!

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  8. congrats :) I must admit thats the biggest list of dos and dont I've seen for a driving license yet :D

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    1. As for Oman driving license, this list is actually kind of a condensed version :D

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  9. Well done :-), So much for a driving license? ;-)

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    1. Yup in Oman it is a real big deal my friend !

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  10. Good writing indeed, Anu, my beloved daughter ! Especially the line " Parking between lines is not as easy as reading between lines" I have no regrets that I was particular that you and your sister to do ISC at Holy Angels' Convent, Trivandrum ! God bless. Love.
    Papa

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  11. Njoyed reading could relate to my situation 5 years back ;-) safe driving....

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    1. hehehe Thanks Saji for your comment...really appreciate it ! Hope the little angel is doin good !

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  12. I just started my driving lessons. The tips would be handy :D

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  13. Ahh. I needed this. One of my goals is to get licence too. It's very tough to get one here in the US. I loved the humor in your wisdom. When I started the post, I thought you were gonna write down your bucket list. I was so looking forward to it. May be you should write it. =D

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    1. My bucket list would probably have things most people have already accomplished in their teens ..so may be it will be a joke on myself :D
      Thanks Dhara for your comment ! ;-)

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  14. You wickedly funny girl, you always make me smile.

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  15. Congrats...
    If one of the wishes can come true... All others can!!! :)

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    1. That is the hope, Locomente ! Thanks for the comment !

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