Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Mirrors Don't Lie.

One fine Saturday morning I dragged myself from bed to the kitchen hoping to find milk in the fridge. I noticed that the lights were on in the living room. I wasn't surprised, as my husband cannot sleep a minute post dawn irrespective of when he slept or what he drank the previous night, or what day of the week it was. I opened the fridge and this very familiar nostalgic tune that emerged from the living room immediately caught my attention.

 It was our wedding reception video.

Unlike the wedding reception/whatever videos of all you people reading me, mine is not something I am proud of. The first time I watched this video, two weeks after my wedding reception, I cried inconsolably and vowed never to watch it again, ever. Seven years later here we were, back on that stage wearing something so hideous that it does not even have a name. Where we found such atrocious clothes, is a question among other things, I am planning to ask God when I meditate in the Himalayas.

The video was playing, guests walked up the stage handing us nicely wrapped gifts (clock, casseroles, and bed sheets of course) and smiled proudly at the camera with a sense of accomplishment on their faces. I admired how some ladies in my family had amazing sartorial choices, that they looked good even in a seven year old video. I then moved my glance back to where the spotlight was on. ME.

I do not understand what transpired in the head of this moron, who recorded the video that day. The camera settings, post processing, ancient grudge, criminal revenge, no brains whatever reason it is that made us look like lepers. Revisiting this video gives me a fresh bout of low self-esteem. I tell you, I looked better at my kid’s classmate’s birthday party last week than when I was a bride six years younger!

I look back at my school days, the photo albums from those times. It is all so incredible…I can’t stop looking at them or show them off to others. Was it because we wore uniforms instead of self-inflicted, detestable clothes? I do not know. Is it because the cameras were simpler and even a layman could take pictures without making the subject look like a monster? May be.

Was the wedding a wonderful day? Yes it most definitely was.

Does the cameraman deserve to go to hell? He most certainly does.

Image Courtesy: Here

I was still at the living room in my pajamas, disheveled hair and bad breath. My husband looked at the TV monitor and smiled amusingly at me. I returned a frown and a noise that sounded more like a roar. He looked around anxiously to find any possible flying objects. Some part of the screen got blurred; I realized I needed to wash my eyes. I walked straight to the washroom and noticed that most of my hair was somewhere from 30 to 50 degree angle to my head. I looked closer and realized that I looked better straight out of bed in a mirror that dint have any settings in it.

You moron cameraman, I will hunt you down some day. I will not be flossing that day.




18 comments:

  1. Haha! The 'artwork of the wedding videographer' is something that a lot of us can relate to. Somehow on the day that is perhaps meant to be one of our most important ones, we end up looking a bit ....well....let's say not our best.
    I must hunt down my wedding videographer and photographer too.

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    1. Saying 'it was not my best look' is being too gentle, my friend, too gentle.

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  2. ROFL :P the memories of what is supposed to be the best day of your life turns into something you hide in the deepest, darkest corner of the oldest closet :P My best friend would SO agree to this, she threw the video out the window when she saw it, no, literally :P Her husband retrieved it, because it was the only video they had, and hid it somewhere that doesn't see the light of day anymore :P

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    1. Ya and these stupids even had the nerve to frame one of the pics and give it as a 'compliment' which I threw at the wall in rage and now it has no frame and is collecting dust somewhere.

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  3. This was hilarious beyond words! In my case, it was my engagement. And I don't blame just my photographer and videographer, but my beautician too. I looked positively scary. Word.

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    1. To be honest, beautiful girls do not look their best on the wedding day. You and I are examples :D

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  4. Ha ha..mixed emotions always. I cringe at the makeup, jewelry but admire the beauty of youth.

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    1. Atleast you have something to admire. I think I am happier now that I am six years older :D Also, I did not notice anything about youth in those videos and pictures, as several layers of makeup that too in a highly inappropriate shade was blocking my view :-/

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  5. It is not just you and Aathira. Please include me too. The beautician I paid a bomb for to do my makeup on my wedding, made me look white washed. I cringe every time I look at my wedding photos or video. Thankfully the reception make up turned out good as I asked her to use my makeup products and not what she had got. The MAC people owe me a refund :D

    And do not get me started on the wedding photographer. That moron is in hiding as I swore to flung a shoe on him, the next time I see him.

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    1. Welcome to the club ! According to my observation, whenever a not so fair girl approaches a beautician, she thinks her duty is to make the girl look fairer. And they go to great lengths to achieve that making dusky girls look like clowns. May be the girl just wants to enhance her features with the right kind of colors , but what say does the bride have once the payment is made ! This happened in my situation and I have seen it on many of my friends too.

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  6. Replies
    1. :D Welcome to the Club ! We should sue these people!

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  7. Alas...I have a collection of similar questions too, all saved for the much-awaited Himalayan expedition...

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  8. Don't blame the poor cameraman. Most Indian brides look ridiculous in that 10 kg lehnga/saree and unbelievable amount of jewelery that I plan to sell when I am 55! Although this Manish Malhotra is carving out some awesome stuff. Only if we could afford it.

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    1. Yup :D But cameraman sure does his part to make bad look worse !

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