Sunday, July 26, 2015

The unusual hater !

Did you know that cars are females and they have favorite drivers too?

My theory comes with distinct evidence from 'The Fast and The Furious', in which a specific car performs best when the handsome hero drives it. This also proof that cars are females and why it is always addressed to as ‘she’. Sleek, shiny, elegant and comes in all shapes and colors. She behaves perfectly when there is a guy on the driver’s seat. Whereas when a woman drives, Madame gets pissed and does whatever is required to make the universe believe that women are bad drivers. Even some kitchen appliances hate women, but we will come to that later.

Okay, so all people secretly know that women are not the best drivers in the world. Trust me whenever there some kind of idiocy going on a busy road, my first instinct tells me that it is a woman behind the wheels. That’s also when I think I am a man in a woman’s body.  Well, even if I fast forward a hundred years women will always come second when it comes to driving, and this is not the woman’s fault. That is where my discovery applies – cars are women too and they hate it when women drive. Fair enough.

To begin with, I already know that our car hates me. Ever since I got a license it has been showing displeasure whenever I sat on the driver’s seat. For instance, five days after I got my license, she banged herself into an electric post (may be in an attempt to commit suicide) when I was carefully trying to park it. I should mention here, that in India I drove a Swift, and later practiced here in Muscat with my trainer whose car was actually a tractor in disguise, so when suddenly I drove an actual sedan, my calculations about its sensitivity was nowhere close to reality. This car actually does not even require a touch on its accelerator to move. You just have to think about going and it goes. Such is the technology built into cars these days and I am not used to such sophistication. So basically, it is not my fault. The car just decided to take full advantage of my unfamiliarity and this would not have happened if it was the guy behind the wheels. Being the forgiving person I am, I just let bygones be bygones and went on with my life. Meanwhile, in the basement parking, the car was silently scheming against me.


It is the peak of summer here and all we want from Middle Eastern cars is the AC. The hubby was at a different location that day for official purposes and I was on pickup and drop duty for the little one. By noon, the summer camp gets over and I walked over to the parking area in the scorching sun. As soon as I entered the car I  switched on the AC which blew hot air in my face. Such wicked humor I tell you. I called the hubby, who was in a meeting and he answered after I repeatedly called at least 576 times. I spoke about the AC and he had no clue, so obviously this car was missing its real owner. I still drove the car to the summer camp, at approximately 47 degree Celsius, and hot air blowing on my face. When the kid came in I had to convince him that the AC was not working and he started a mini tantrum. Completely drenched (in sweat), I looked like an extra for a Bollywood rain dance. Somehow the ride home was made and I reached the last signal before home. When it turned green, the car started jerking like crazy. Some sadistic morons started honking behind me and the kid looked baffled. I took the foot off the accelerator and the jolting stopped. I slowly managed to move forward and parked in the nearest available spot.

Image Courtesy: Here

It was the day before Eid holidays when a car is all one wants. On further investigation by an expert, it was revealed that there was a radiator leak. All this happens when on one day of all the years in Muscat the guy happens to be away on duty!

After two days, we managed to get it back from the garage.

I need a car which is male. Straight, young and handsome. Suggestions are welcome.



15 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHA...

    extra for a bollywood rain dance routine!? Epic :P

    I can't drive to save my life so I'm pretty useless to you, especially considering I'm laughing my ass of at your misery (rather, your way of describing your misery) :P

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  2. Tractor in disguise?? Hahahahhaaa :D

    Well for someone who is considering taking driving classes soon, this one sure is a motivator :P. To not take those classes!

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    Replies
    1. No no! Please take the classes. It will be fun to read driving experiences of other women !

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  3. she-car humor at its best! *tears of laughter*

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  4. Can i just go hahahahahahahaha...

    Oh God, I just did.

    You, my dear, are a riot!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, you can!

      Second only to you, Purba :D

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  5. My car hates me too. As a result I have a DL but depened on cabs to drive me around.
    This was fun.

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    Replies
    1. I know many women who do that. But no one actually says the real reason. We, women know who hates us more than who loves us, don't we? :D

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  6. 1.Murphy was an optimist !!!:)
    2. The chances of the buttered side of the bread slice falling directly over the carpet is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. :)
    Papa

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    Replies
    1. That doesn't mean that Murphy was an optimist ! :D

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  7. Hahhaha!! Hot air in this weather... that's some revenge!!

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    ReplyDelete