Back from a month long vacation
in India, my monotonous workplace appeared bland and discolored. When
homesickness gripped me, the resolution I made for the New Year flew out
of the window. I usually never make resolutions, mostly because I am horrible
at following instructions, even my own.
We have a rule of carefully using
words while at home. As the little boy has an internal recording button always
on, he keeps using the same words as me, even the tone of speech. I want him to
be soft spoken and gentle, which is the exact opposite of me. Hence in order to
show by example, I have decided to reduce the intensity of violence and decibel
level. Going by neighborhood feedback, my voice can be heard two floors below mine;
hence the last month was peaceful for them in terms of noise pollution.
However, whenever we want to improve, there will be obstacles. Even Adam and Eve
had, right? It is when we say no to the snake that we emerge successful.
However snakes these days are not as straightforward as the snake from Eden
Garden. Today’s snakes are evil backstabbers. Even if you say no to the apple,
they will find ways to eradicate every other fruit so we have no choice.
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| Me, after two glasses of wine. Image Courtesy: Here |
Words like ‘stupid’ ‘idiot’ and ‘bloody
fool’ have been frequent in my vocabulary since school days. However, when one
becomes a parent, forgetting these are only one of the sacrifices one has to make.
To add insult to injury, I met (still meet on a daily basis) more idiots and
bloody fools at this stage than ever before. I am therefore left with the only
choice of clenching teeth in frustration. Being human that I am, one day I said
it and my little one said ‘What is ploody foo ?’. I pretended never to have
known that word ever, and said ‘what? Whaaat? Whaatttt? There is no such word’.
I know that it is not possible to unlearn any words. I am the bloody fool. I am
the mother who taught her kid abusive language. Thank you very much.
In India, there is no way one can
live to meet such resolutions. With demonetization in place, every retailer,
auto driver, bus conductor will bring out the demon in you. Auto drivers are the
worst. When I ask balance to these guys they look at me as if I asked them
loan. Arrey, I gave you what your meter showed in red digital numerals, now
please give me what is rightfully mine. My money did not fall down from the sky, it was
hard-earned by saying yes sir, okay sir (without clenching teeth of course,
never never) all year. One auto driver had the audacity to say, ‘Madam, people
like you should not even ask for four rupees to a person like me’. From which
angle did I look like Nita Ambani to him, I’ll never know. I replied ‘What is
four rupees to you, so it is to me’. He laughed. I didn't. That infuriated him
further. So now I have to laugh when he laughs? Get ready to have your
patience tested my friends. Little boy was watching me speak argumentatively to
a driver. This was not going to be an easy resolution. It needed and needs me
to change as a person from the inside. This is impossible, as I am set in my
ways, and I am not the Dalai Lama types. I am more like Kung Fu Panda. Inner
Peace, here I come. Dishoom, dishoom.
Still I am going to try. Whenever
I hold the door open for the person behind me, say ‘Thank You’ when I don’t have
to, smile, be kind, I am shaping a human. I have to be aware every second, be
conscious, and remember that the tiny human cctv is following me everywhere including
trial room. What can be more frightening than this? God is watching too.
But God said not to fear humans.
Seriously. I need wine.
