Sunday, October 16, 2016

Introvert Problems.

I am an unmistakable introvert- basically a creature that performs best inside my cocoon. This cocoon knows  tolerates the crazy me, and the self-attested laughter that can splatter the brains of people working and living with me. Outside the cocoon I am this confused, nail-biting, absent-minded, head-scratching, dumb-headed moron. I leave all my senses in the cocoon when I have to be outside it. Also brain.

Last week I went to an official presentation which required me to storm out of my comfortable space to a podium where I was supposed to say a few sentences that took no longer than two minutes. Headache and loss of appetite had started that very morning like a ritual, and this happens whenever I had to meet or speak with new people. Something had to go wrong and it did. My earring fell off when I was walking towards the board room. Of course my friends were super amused. Why did it have to fall off that day? Because Murphy’s Law.


This actually happened.
Image Courtesy: Here

You may argue that Murphy was a sadistic dissuaded person, but he was the only one from the pages of history that spoke the truth. I temporarily fixed the earring, but I had to keep a check on my head shakes to prevent it from falling again. Shaking head in agreement is the prime gesture in any seminar. I was forbidden from doing that. Before it all started, I started questioning my very existence. Of all the things that could go wrong at a presentation, this was one. It was right there. Disaster was basically hanging from my ears.

Cold hands is another phenomenon my body enjoys, to torture me in times of pressure. At the university exam, Viva, interview, appraisal meeting, you name it, I become Elza from Frozen. Forget all that, I was going to be seen by actual prominent people from the organization. I was supposed to be standing when they will be seated. To add to that I was seated at the corner of the room, where the AC was strategically located to weigh me down and freeze my nerves. 

Meanwhile, I mentally made a list of things that could go wrong.

  • My earring could fall off in full public view.
  • I could freeze the ipad. People may misinterpret it to be some kind of digital sorcery.
  • The communication of the brain with the rest of me could freeze.

Thankfully I was wearing two layers of clothing as part of my formal attire. I missed my gloves, monkey cap and thermals. As the time of presentation approached, I had blurred vision, shaky hands and sensitive bladder. I don’t remember what happened next, but people said everything went well. I gathered that the earring dint fall off.

I become more thankful for my job each time I go to such presentations. I write code, attend meetings with familiar people and chill with friends who again make my protective shell. New people I meet blend into the shell in time. Nobody barges in. Blend my friend, BLEND.

I came home and informed my parents that I am alive (after the presentation). They seemed to be relieved. I have stuck that earring in the least accessible corner of my jewel drawer and mentally tagged it as 'danger'. 

Probably only to forget and pick it up for the next presentation.




16 comments:

  1. I don't think these are introvert problems only. Each one of us have stage anxiety. I am glad my college days are far behind and there is no hope for me to get a job!!

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    1. Yes, may be we are ambiverts with stage fear.Not introverts. But some people are totally cool on stage !

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  2. You know I'm the host for every activity at work and I face so much anxiety every time I go up there and talk. Presentations/trainings/hosting are a major part of my work life and I have been doing this for more than five years now and yet every single time before I have to get on stage I fret like it is the first time. The weird heavy knot in the stomach doesn't help either! And I'm an extrovert! :P

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    1. Wow ! This means I am perfectly normal. Thanks for making me feel so, Soum. It must be fun to be a host!

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  3. I wouldn't define me as an introvert, but the frozen feeling, tummy knots & jitters... I have them too :)

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    1. Same pinch! I gather that even extroverts have stage fear, so I may not be an introvert too.

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  4. Public speaking is my biggest fear too. I'm sure you did well. This was a fun read.

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    1. Looks like it is a common fear...however the new gen gets better opportunities at public speaking and they seem to be doing better than us !

      Thanks Alka.

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  5. Time to ditch those earrings, darling!

    Also, I'll never tire of saying this - you're adorably funny.

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  6. Yes, high time !

    Thank you Purba, I love you!

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  7. Lucky it went well. In my case, I would have a brain-mouth freeze. What my brain thinks would not be transmitted to the mouth. And my legs would give way.
    Public speaking is a skill, an art! It's just not meant for me either :)

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    1. True, we should start a club of people who jitters at the sight of people.

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  8. if you are good at something then you will be fearless.if you have nothing to lose,then it makes you fearless and avoids stage fear.so whenever you want to speak in public,think that you have nothing to lose.i too had stage fear when i was school kid but with time i became fearless cuz i have started thinking that i have nothing to lose cuz i have dealt everything in life.when you have nothing to lose,you will give your best.

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    1. Unfortunately I have something to lose, which is my dignity :D Fear comes naturally to some people and I am one of those. I have a career that does not involve much of speaking or interaction with public. This was a rare instance that made me realize who I am and why I do what I do.
      Thanks for the comment, "true introvert".:D

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