Thursday, September 29, 2016

Keep Calm and Google It.

Image Courtesy: Here

Google turned eighteen yesterday. Let’s take a moment to close our eyes, take a deep breath, remember all those times it cleared our doubts without judging us, and pray for it to be immortal.

Google did not just find whatever I was looking for; it also brought me the best pages with the appropriate content that answered my stupid questions sensibly. I will forever be grateful to Google as it always found the easiest of ways to get things done from changing a diaper to making one-pot meals. It has been the lazy-girl guide to accomplish something in life without toiling too much or losing out on sleep. It has turned me from a person not knowing when the rice has cooked to one who can serve a decently home cooked two course meal (for friends who take the risk of eating my food).

The best asset of Google is its Artificial Intelligence, which uses the pattern of our search and suggests pages accordingly. So now, it does not give me any Sanjeev Kapoor recipes, but easy bachelor recipes with the most minimal ingredients. It tells me how to do winged eyeliner with just two eyes, and zero aesthetic sense. It has earlier taught me how to change a diaper without risking the baby fall off the bed. It has also taught me a million other things, exactly the way I wanted. Basically what I am today is because of Google (and my parents of course ;-) ).

Any software get updated with time and technology advances and so did Google. As of now the only shortcoming I can see, is that it can’t search for stuff inside the house. For example will there be a day my husband can go to Google and type ‘Where is my socks?’ and it says ‘one is still inside the shoes since last week and the other is in the washing machine’. He can then find another pair and move on with other activities like finding the shoes instead of annoying other humans. This would be an immensely popular feature with women and we will start to worship Google because let’s admit, we don’t care about socks. Even if we may pretend to search, we have no intention of finding them and we are being completely dishonest about our motives.

Whereas if I ask ‘Where is my watch?’ it should ideally say ‘under the pillow, sweetheart’. As days go by, I may get fonder of my digital companion. I mean when we have a digital mate who answers like that unlike the human mate who says ‘It went for a walk’ why don’t we make the digital relationship legal?  Google is always there, trustworthy, rigid, sweet and never lets us down. It would be the perfect soulmate.

The hubby has been searching for a pair of pants since a week which apparently for him feels like a decade. He had been requesting me to find it, and there was a noticeable tone change with each passing day. I chose to royally ignore. I don’t do search services anymore, you see, I have retired from that role. In an apartment with four rooms and two bathrooms if we start losing everyday stuff what would happen had we lived in those palatial houses like in Karan Johar movies? Even humans could get lost in those. So today he was totally pissed about missing pants and for once I decided to investigate. You would not believe it was right there, where he was seemingly searching for a week. In such situations when he asks Google 'Where are my pants?' while standing right beside it, Google should detect the shocking lack of sensibility of the user and say ‘You are kidding me, right?’  


Image Courtesy: Here

There are people actually getting married to pizzas and iphones. Google is 18. Just reminding. 


10 comments:

  1. Some people still claim Google is God !!!:)
    Jeyan

    ReplyDelete
  2. If google was not there , I would have taken voluntary retirement on My joining day in IT .
    As always nice blog ! Just one more thing, Losing a pair of pants is no big deal !!! #isupportabu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You always support him GRRRR.

      Yep Google has saved careers and lives. Long live Google!

      Delete
  3. It can't search for thing inside the house.... hhahahaha

    Google ki jai ho

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ah Google, what would we all do without it? But yeah, what use is a search engine if it can't help you around the house? For example: If Jeyan had asked google about his missing pants, had it come up with a co-ordinate layout of your house and highlighted the area where the pants were, that would be quite something :D

    I'm still waiting for someone to come and claim to be Google's husband.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But before we find a suitable match for Google we should first know its gender. Secondly, gay or straight. :D

      By the way Jeyan is my Papa. ;-)

      Delete
    2. Oopsie! My bad, sorry :(

      Google is a woman ofcourse! Who else will have the answers to everything?

      Delete
    3. Either a woman or a male boss ;-)

      Delete