The 'Idiot' Box

Why is TV called the ‘idiot box’ ? Is it because idiots appear in it, or because only idiots watch it? There are no prizes for answering this, as the answer is ‘all of the above’. I am reminded of Kerala entrance type questions which looks more or less like, which came first, egg or chicken?
a. Egg
b. Chicken
c. All of the above
d. None of the above

Sure they expect us to answer that in less than a minute. No wonder my partners in crime and myself scored bigger ranks than anyone else in our school (Obviously, we were watching too much TV). The ever-curious aunties and uncles who are forever in hibernation surprisingly sprung to active mode when the results were published. After all the skin of the Notorious Nine at Holy Angels’ is unyielding competition to the rhinoceros himself.

Coming back to TV, I don’t mind being called an ‘idiot’ for watching it. There are informative channels also...but I really don’t know whether it is available in our package or not.

As I was enjoying a lazy siesta on a Saturday afternoon in my couch flipping channels, I came across some ads and I decided to give them a serious glare.
Rani Mukherji teaches us how to eat Munch Pop chocs. Listen everyone…now don’t follow any other method to eat the chocolate.
The method is… ‘ Open, Take, and Eat..’
Thurakkoo Edukkooo Kazhikkoo…Oh sweet Jesus, what an enlightening piece of information! Does anyone who is reading this, know any other method to eat munch…or leave it…anything for that matter?

Now comes a tea ad. The ABC tea ensures all the idiotic viewers , a happy and stress free life , as, the magical molecules of the tea powder would be relished with the innermost senses and it would guarantee joy and bliss every minute of the day. Oh something bad happened to you today? You must have forgotten to drink ‘ABC’ tea!
I seriously feel, ‘Wherever you go, I am there – Gadha Jam’ makes more sense.

Pythogoras theorem is made remarkably interesting if the teacher uses ‘Tinz’ talcum powder. All these days the students were groaning and bawling under the disturbingly stinking supermodel cum school teacher, who made situations worse with the boring theorems. The talcum powder sure brought a difference to the theorem itself! (Why oh why dint they tell me this earlier? *sob* )

Axx deodorant – Do u, girls out there actually throw yourselves at men who use this deo? By the way, did the creators of this ad think that women have super sensitive sensors?

Here’s the worst of its kind…a typical third rated mallu ad.
Contestant: ’14 aam raavudichathu maanatho kallayi kadavatho….’
Judge: ‘Nannayirunnu mone.. pakshe…14 oo? 17 alle kutta?’
This ad, I tell you, generates in me, an intense urge to bang my head against the wall.

A lady blessed with long and healthy tresses now appears, and detaches a piece of wall with just her hair and walks away proudly. Even the dinosaurs in the Lost World couldn’t accomplish this feat. Kudos to you, young lady! By the way, that was the ad of a shampoo. (This one however, blows up a nightmare of me trying to do what that lady did ,and getting bald during the act).

The axx deodorant comes in a new version, and this time it is a chocolate man walking the streets. Girls at the background screaming, howling, screeching and squealing as if they were deprived of food over the week is visually atrocious. But I made sure that my husband doesn’t use it. ;)

Hey, I am not negatively criticizing the above ads ! Gone are the times when we actually had good ads around, simple and precise ones. Yeah odd ones like these still existed, which made viewers look at each other and smirk. But nowadays imaginative brilliance is wasted, that’s what we actually conclude from such visual ‘threats’. Although Vodafone ads are always on or above a standard, the connection obviously isn’t. But, ads are ads. When I started noticing the ads itself, I knew…it is content for a blog post. From my previous posts it is quite evident that my mind does NOT wander into the loneliness of the sky,counting the odd and damaging moments of life , brood over it, drag myself into traumatic mood swings , and waste my life on it. I believe life is too short, and youth is even shorter for all that, and I believe in ‘live and let live’ concept. Next time I come across some such silly stuff, its again gonna be my blog content! Keep waiting for more nonsense!

MJ...!!

Yesterday I woke up to the news of MJ’s death, and it sent shockwaves down my spine. Legends like him are taken for granted, scandalized and scorned at and mourned upon after death. Many legends like him have had the same fate. Whatever it is , ‘Bad’, ‘Thriller’ and ‘Dangerous’ are the most sought after albums for dance shows even these days, in spite of music albums being released every minute of the day by thousands of artists worldwide. It is hard to realize that he was 50 and fighting cancer, even though he appears supremely energetic and invincible in his music videos and in the back of our minds. MJ was the reason for pop music and ‘break-dance’ as we call it, to become so popular in this part of the world, and he is known among people who don’t know A.R.Rahman. The music and its beats are foot tappers, hip-shakers, stress-busters and whatever one may call it. The world missed his greatest comeback which was scheduled in July at London. If he was alive, it would have been celebrated all around the world; channels broadcasting it live, setting the world rocking away to the tune of his magical performance. I guess the world dint deserve the comeback of the legend. His name is engraved in the history of pop music, dance and in our hearts and will live on forever n ever!!
Love u , MJ!!

Most touching lyrics from one of his best choruses:

There comes a time ..
When we head a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on
Pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We are all a part of
God's great big family
And the truth, you know love is all we need

[Chorus]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Send them your heart
So they'll know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us by turning stone to bread
So we all must lend a helping hand

When you're down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There's no way we can fall
Well, well, well, well, let us realize
That a change will only come
When we stand together as one..

Illogical Mannerisms..!

Cool Saturday night.Its drizzling outside. I’m alone at home, there is a power failure and I lit a candle in the living room. Sitting comfortably on the couch ,legs stretched enough to accommodate the laptop,I notice the candle shining in the darkness,the flame waving in tune with the cool winds blowing outside...and it reminds me of..….. Florence Nightingale.. ? is it diffusing the ambience of an ever so romantic candlelight dinner.. or are the beams outshining even the celestial beauty of the moonlight, which has been faintly dimmed out by the dark monsoon clouds….?.oh ! are the shadows of the living room objects framing beautiful kaleidoscopic patterns from the beams scattered by the tiny wick of the wax clad candle stand..?..? sorry guys…. When rain falls..I do not get such weird thoughts. I am not that supremely imaginative being. I am just wishing if we could get one emergency lamp like the one we had back at my hometown. And yeah, I am also thinking where the umpteen street dogs next to our apartment would sleep tonight, as its raining heavily now.

Last week, we’d been to the movie, ‘Bhagyadevatha’. I would suggest all Mallus who live outside Kerala to watch this movie, as every scene unfolds picturesque Kuttanad and typical Kerala food. The urge to rush home and book tickets for a vacation at home would be irrepressible after the movie gets over. Visual treat as that one was, the movie has quality, theme, music, good storyline, not-so-brilliant but reasonable plot and granted, you wouldn’t have to wail over the ticket money, cos its worth the watch. Bhagyadevatha had me even shed some tears towards the end…but no! Don’t jump into conclusions that it is a tragedy movie…There is a highly sensitive water works working diligently beneath my eye, 24 X 7.

Tears are my problem..tear glands are probably malfunctioning. I am NOT trying to say that I am very angelic, innocent, and soft hearted. I had seen 6 year olds laughing and leaving the theatre after the movie was over, but I was trying very hard to wipe my tears, cos if anyone had caught me whining and wiping my eyes, it would be the topic of discussion (read humiliation) at family getogethers, and I would be made fun of for the next 150 years. Even today, the Malayalam movie ‘Friends’ was telecasted in Surya. However when I switched on the TV the movie was about to get over, and Mukesh was on his way to Jayaram’s home in Army costumes. Now the melodrama begins and towards the end I find my eyes welled up, shit!! I saw it just for around 10 minutes..and to hell with my tears.

Laughter is another problem for me. Once I catch it, it becomes an enormously difficult task for me to stop. I had one of my tuition-mate guys back at high school pleading with me ,’ Anita, I really want to tell you something… I don’t know if it is hasty, I thought a lot about it… I’d been brooding over it during study hours..and finally, let me tell you, coming up to you to tell this sure takes a lot of guts…” Me : ‘ Whats it?’ He: ‘ *silence*.. don’t laugh like that during class hours..it scares me and most of the guys here’.

Let’s take the example of the Malayalam movie , ‘Godfather’. I am not ashamed to call it one of my favorite movies ever, even though when asked about favorite movies to my friends they usually reply ‘ Die Hard’, ‘Schindler’s List’, ‘Quantum of Solace’ , ‘Matrix’and other hi-fi stuff. Its true that I don’t watch English movies, mainly because I cant concentrate on them. Recently I even tried watching ‘matrix’, but in five minutes I was alarmed at how much the nails on my toes had grown, then I found myself filing my nails, applying nailpolish , and …*snore*. Yeah English movies help me realize when it is time the floor has to be mopped or to go for a pedicure.
Coming back to Godfather, my family remembers me most when it is telecasted on tv. I have seen that movie around 476523 times. But each time, the jokes are fresh and timely, and I laugh like crazy. My Mom has never found an answer as to what is there to laugh so much. Even she knows it scene my scene, dialogue by dialogue.

Now tears and laughter..in short, emotions are in their extremes for me. I wish there was a knob somewhere where I could adjust the sensitivity levels. “Oh, these theatres are so unkept and dusty” followed by a fake sneeze and obviously-practised-with-ease-cough is my usual and most frequent monologue, which happens after every movie, which probably gives an explanation to my friends and family to the redness in the eye …yup the water works is sure getting me embarrassed all the way… Guess I am born with such illogical mannerisms. If I try to change it, would it still be me?

Things Men should know!

Well, those who hate girl talk, please position your cursor on the top right corner of the page, and click!! This is all about girls. Now what makes me write this, is yeaaaars of eggsperienceee….
12 years in Holy Angels’ Convent, 4 years in a college which was supposedly mixed, but as good as a ladies college, makes it 16 years of solidarity with girls…this is probably experience enough to jot down a few words on this.. Ladies hostel is sure fun enough without cigarettes and beer bottles. Now if you guys think that we are always having discussions about you there, you are sadly, and badly mistaken. We do discuss about you, and address you using nicknames only. Sure you nickname us and scream it at the top of your lungs at public bus stops, canteens and on the roads for everyone to hear. We appreciate your guts. Nicknames we use still remains secret.
However, we girls have noticed some common traits among you guys..You’d probably be a father/brother/boyfriend/husband to someone.. and I guess this write-up would make you understand some things which we wish you’d known!

•When we are on the phone, talking to our friends, we are not essentially gossiping. But if we are gossiping, please don’t disturb!

•We do not take a lot of time to get dressed. We do take time to choose what to wear. Deal with it, and there hasn’t been a solution to this over the ages.

•Wooden thick bangles that we wear these days, are in fashion. They ARE NOT hand cuffs..please..! for God’s sake!

•‘Patiala’ is pleated pants, loose and colorful. They are another ‘IN’ thing. They ARE NOT what the clowns wear at the circus.

•We, sometimes, feel that you love your bikes more than us. Wish it was not true.

•99% of us do not like gold jewellery. We prefer wooden and metal ones available at the streets. They are NOT the crockery you saw in the kitchen or the windchime that you saw in our rooms.

•During get-togethers, do not silence us , indulging in detailed discussions about car stereos, alloy wheels,woofer, sub woofer, spoiler and…*snore*..

•Shilpa shetty is hot, isn’t she? So is John Abraham!

•Please do not gift us with apparels of your choice. They will be received with a smile and will be dumped to the darkest corner of the wardrobe in no time. Let us choose!

•Your Mom is the coolest. Our Dads are. Compromise.

•Waste baskets, are to put in waste. Waste is essentially, things we do not use any more. Waste has to go to the waste basket. Please avoid cupboards/drawers/shoes, store room, space under the bed etc to throw them.

•Making faces at Shah Rukh Khan and Hrithik Roshan does not make them less sexy.

•We talk, discuss. Everything. YES!!

•Don’t threaten us saying that you will inform our dads!! Our dads are the closest to our hearts, and they love us like hell! Dont make a clown of yourself telling them!

•We are all not feminists. We do know since childhood that the Lion is the King of the jungle and not the lioness. * Aside:* Lets forget for the time being..that the Lion does nothing but sleep, yawn, roar and eat in its den all the time.*end aside*
Long live the Lion King !!!

•We carry hand bags, still manage a tissue, mobile phone, money, umbrella and other items on both our hands. Don’t ask us whats there inside the handbag then. Hand bags are accessories!

•We do not find GPS, PDA phones, digital cameras and their ever so complicated specifications, laptops and other gadgets interesting enough to spend the entire evening in electronic stores ,that finally they have to request us to leave so that they may go home.

•We squeal and shriek at the sight of cockroaches/ spiders / grasshoppers / lizards / bats / dogs. This is not a FUSS. We weren’t essentially pampered at home to do such a thing. This is a spontaneous reaction and guess you would have to dwell with it. Well, how do you guys live with these horrendous creatures in perfect harmony?

•We become kids when we’re with school friends. We turn houses upside down. We laugh and shriek at the top of our lungs. It’s just our way of enjoying a brief camaraderie.

Thinking of more points… there are trillions of things guys…which you need to know..! I know this wont help you understand even a drop out of the ocean … there are things which no one dares to understand, some things which no one bothers to understand… some which everyone knows but act as if they dint understand… its those teeny weeny understandings and misunderstandings which sums up life in all its brilliance and assortments.. ..End of the day, life is beautiful.