Golden eye, through my eyes!

A day at my hometown for a short weekend vacation would mean , tuning my ears to receive high frequency, high decibel sound from digital home theatre playing 007 movies. I have a bunch of little English-movie-savvy cousins too, enough to form a cricket team, who would totally get glued to it, and we would have to wait for the Tsunami to come if we were to make them get up from their seats and wash their hands for lunch/dinner. Small kids na, these are normal natural instincts of age, and that explains the fascination for Bond and his non existent gadgets.

Taking a little time off my errr..productively roaming around the house, I engaged myself to five minutes of ‘Golden Eye’ that they were watching. There’s a forest, Bond , a stunning woman whose name I obviously don’t know, near a small pond. In Bollywood this was a perfect setting for an item dance.
To my surprise, a large tower emerged out of the little pond, sequentially, meter by meter. Meanwhile Bond and the lass looked on. And there was the tower, almost as tall as the towers of our service providers. I screamed (I have to scream to get their attention as the volume was totally out of my hearing capabilities) ‘What is that’ ? ‘Tower’ came the collective reply in a microsecond. The faster they answer, the lesser the time they lose in between, as no one is allowed to distract; they were just trying to be nice to me. And my next question came in the next second itself. By this time, most of them had given me options enough through their facial expressions –It read- just leave or shut up. The former would be a more welcome choice. My next question was a concatenated series of unanswerable questions, may be to Bond himself. ‘ Tower? What do they do with that? What does it actually do? ‘ At this, the expressions I saw on their faces was priceless. Little Bond fans looking at each other and communicating eye to eye as to who will explain that to me.
So my question is answered. Its not just me!!!

I.T woes :(

Have you come across formally dressed people carrying square shaped bags and a belt err tag around their necks,a woebegone expression, forever engrossed in conversations on their bluetooth devices which sounds more or less like, 'Yeah the con call is fixed at 5:00 pm.' ... 'Yeah I'll take care of the presentation'..'I'll do that...' 'Yes, we are working on Saturday..'
These are typical techie conversations.These guys almost drive the nation, and are nothing more than high-level-programmed robots, who has eventually forgotten to smile. Some conversations in their day-to-day lives goes like this.

Husband is onsite. Wife is trying to chat with him on Yahoo messenger.
He: Ok, so bye for now. I have to prepare dinner.
She: I just started talking…I have so much more to say..
He: So you are saying that I should go to bed on an empty stomach after a tiresome day at office?
She: *expressions of despair* Hmm… I will prepare dinner for you. I just learnt how to make omelets.
He: You gonna take it up as ‘remote support’?

Mom of a techie had a sprain on her ankles. She had taken a week off and is on self imposed bed rest.
Trring..Trring…
Mom: Hellooo…did u reach office? Did u have breakfast? Did he go to office too? What did you cook for lunch? Is that dress I sent you fitting you properly? Did you call your in-laws? How is his work?
Techie (diplomatically ignores all questions): Tell me fast what is the ‘current status’ of the pain on your leg? Any ‘issue’ ?

He is sleeping overtime on a week day, and she tries to wake him up. After a few minutes,of consistent shaking and poking, he responds.
‘Key in username and password’.

At never-ending annoying queues of the cash counter in a super market.
She: Why cant this guy buy lesser items? Why does he need 3 packets of tea powder anyways? Why don’t they enhance this by having more sales guys and counters?
He:‘ You’re right. It is a 'high priority issue’

Auto driver : ‘ madam Mere paas balance dene ke liye 2 rupya nahin hai’
Techie: “No issues”.

A techie friend on phone: “ Did you know about that new movie? SRK is the villain as well as the hero. He is a…... ‘global variable’.

Techie to the maid: Pick her from school, and bathe her first. Keep an eye on her always, and make sure she finishes her homework. If she asks for me, tell her that I will come home early today, by 11 pm.Else, if she asks for her dad, convince her tactfully that he is spending the night at office.Else if she asks for food, prepare her favorite dosa with ghee in it. END IF.

Being Anita!!

Friends at school and their moms call me ‘APC’, which is highly creative nickname, the full form of which I would definitely not want to disclose here, for the horror of being addressed ‘APC’ in the years to come. I’d been the youngest in the family for quite a long time, and during this period, my cousin and sister used to publish my innocent (read ignorant) childish dialogues .They would laugh their lungs out and say those to anyone who visits the house. I would find temporary hideaway behind curtains, mummy’s saree and squeal at the top of my voice. I was a terribly bullied little girl *sob*.

I grew up smarter than them all, and now I have tagged their blunders too and so I’m equipped with enough weapons in case I am quoted or misquoted at family get-togethers or family weddings. My name is often pronounced by elders within double quotes to this day .

Holy Angels was the place err school where I met an absolutely wonderful group of pranksters and soon I became one among them. Birds of a feather. We called ourselves ‘the notorious nine’. But from the mischief’s we got into and the grades we scored, I’m sure we would have earned some other name among teachers…however, we loved being us. The nun at the office room who was snow white in complexion and weighed almost 150 kilos was ‘Giant Panda’ to us, and we collectively forgot her name after we left school (Girls, if you remember, please let me know).Then there were guys at the tuition classes nicknamed Dola (Donkey look-alike), M2 (Man Mountain) …and trillions of censored stuff which remains girly moments of laughter in our great book of blunders. I can go on writing pages on the lighter moments we had at school, but it is reasonable to keep them with myself because, the tendency to write the blunders of others will be more, and triggering people sunk in work to wake up and start blogging about me is potentially dangerous to my image.

After school, I went to college, the dark days of my life, distressing moments which I would rather not remember, as, unlike what college days means to most of u, it is downright catastrophic to me. There is not a moment in it worth recollecting, apart from the fact that I did academically well by the grace of God. All four years at engineering college one good thing that happened to me is my best friend whom I met at my hostel there, and she continues to be the gem she was, till date.

I compensated my college life at the firm I joined at Technopark and had an inexpressibly exciting time there. Now at Bangalore, again with a bunch of big-time fun-to-be-with people, I am comfortable as ever, closer to the Anita I was at school.

I sincerely believe that I wouldn’t have existed in this world if it weren’t for this element called fun. I love all the poor jokes and adore the ones who say them! Who doesn’t, isn’t it? Yeah , I know people who doesn’t enjoy jokes and tag me ‘noisy’. I want to let them know , that life isn’t always fun, but remember, you can create fun from life, only if you want to. Ruling out fun is not the identity of entering into adulthood and it doesn’t mean that you are serious and wise! I love absent minded, fun-loving, noisy, jovial, total blunder packages err people.
Here are tokens of appreciation to you all. 

To the notorious Nine : Love u gals!! You made the best moments of my life so far and I am so lucky to be a part of such a prestigious gang !lol .. As a mark of this evergreen era, I treasure some stuff, which you can associate with..
• navy blue nail polish which we all sported the day after our school described nail polish as violation of discipline
• my uniform shirt which carries all your autographs
• the controversial autograph book of std 12
• countless friendship bands
• innumerable bday and Christmas greetings
• school magazines carrying our group snaps and articles,
• instrument box
• posters of SRK
I treasure these stuffs like jewels.

To my best friend at college: You are my family, I don’t have words to express what you are to me. If it weren’t for you, I would have been a totally different person today, worn out by bad experiences and complexes.

To friends at Technopark: Thank you guys, for being just like the notorious nine..You wiped off my misery of having spent totally freaky days at college. You created a college atmosphere at workplace and I sincerely don’t regret my college days anymore! Thanks a ton for being you..!

To friends at Bangalore : I really look forward to lunch and tea time, and I’m at my noisy best with you guys ! You are so cool and if truth be told, I consider myself lucky to still be in a multitude of like minded individuals!

Thank you all…continue to be what you are..! If you think I am a good human being, it is just because of the roles played by the people I mentioned above, in my life, and the memories about them which I carry. If you think otherwise, please attribute it to me. 

The 'Idiot' Box

Why is TV called the ‘idiot box’ ? Is it because idiots appear in it, or because only idiots watch it? There are no prizes for answering this, as the answer is ‘all of the above’. I am reminded of Kerala entrance type questions which looks more or less like, which came first, egg or chicken?
a. Egg
b. Chicken
c. All of the above
d. None of the above

Sure they expect us to answer that in less than a minute. No wonder my partners in crime and myself scored bigger ranks than anyone else in our school (Obviously, we were watching too much TV). The ever-curious aunties and uncles who are forever in hibernation surprisingly sprung to active mode when the results were published. After all the skin of the Notorious Nine at Holy Angels’ is unyielding competition to the rhinoceros himself.

Coming back to TV, I don’t mind being called an ‘idiot’ for watching it. There are informative channels also...but I really don’t know whether it is available in our package or not.

As I was enjoying a lazy siesta on a Saturday afternoon in my couch flipping channels, I came across some ads and I decided to give them a serious glare.
Rani Mukherji teaches us how to eat Munch Pop chocs. Listen everyone…now don’t follow any other method to eat the chocolate.
The method is… ‘ Open, Take, and Eat..’
Thurakkoo Edukkooo Kazhikkoo…Oh sweet Jesus, what an enlightening piece of information! Does anyone who is reading this, know any other method to eat munch…or leave it…anything for that matter?

Now comes a tea ad. The ABC tea ensures all the idiotic viewers , a happy and stress free life , as, the magical molecules of the tea powder would be relished with the innermost senses and it would guarantee joy and bliss every minute of the day. Oh something bad happened to you today? You must have forgotten to drink ‘ABC’ tea!
I seriously feel, ‘Wherever you go, I am there – Gadha Jam’ makes more sense.

Pythogoras theorem is made remarkably interesting if the teacher uses ‘Tinz’ talcum powder. All these days the students were groaning and bawling under the disturbingly stinking supermodel cum school teacher, who made situations worse with the boring theorems. The talcum powder sure brought a difference to the theorem itself! (Why oh why dint they tell me this earlier? *sob* )

Axx deodorant – Do u, girls out there actually throw yourselves at men who use this deo? By the way, did the creators of this ad think that women have super sensitive sensors?

Here’s the worst of its kind…a typical third rated mallu ad.
Contestant: ’14 aam raavudichathu maanatho kallayi kadavatho….’
Judge: ‘Nannayirunnu mone.. pakshe…14 oo? 17 alle kutta?’
This ad, I tell you, generates in me, an intense urge to bang my head against the wall.

A lady blessed with long and healthy tresses now appears, and detaches a piece of wall with just her hair and walks away proudly. Even the dinosaurs in the Lost World couldn’t accomplish this feat. Kudos to you, young lady! By the way, that was the ad of a shampoo. (This one however, blows up a nightmare of me trying to do what that lady did ,and getting bald during the act).

The axx deodorant comes in a new version, and this time it is a chocolate man walking the streets. Girls at the background screaming, howling, screeching and squealing as if they were deprived of food over the week is visually atrocious. But I made sure that my husband doesn’t use it. ;)

Hey, I am not negatively criticizing the above ads ! Gone are the times when we actually had good ads around, simple and precise ones. Yeah odd ones like these still existed, which made viewers look at each other and smirk. But nowadays imaginative brilliance is wasted, that’s what we actually conclude from such visual ‘threats’. Although Vodafone ads are always on or above a standard, the connection obviously isn’t. But, ads are ads. When I started noticing the ads itself, I knew…it is content for a blog post. From my previous posts it is quite evident that my mind does NOT wander into the loneliness of the sky,counting the odd and damaging moments of life , brood over it, drag myself into traumatic mood swings , and waste my life on it. I believe life is too short, and youth is even shorter for all that, and I believe in ‘live and let live’ concept. Next time I come across some such silly stuff, its again gonna be my blog content! Keep waiting for more nonsense!