The great Indian CAR-ste System.

Recently a very amusing encounter happened between an Audi and a Nano at Trivandrum. Apparently cars do not respect each other based on their make. Well here is what really happened. A family was driving home in a Nano. They did not give way to the celebrity vehicle Audi that was following them, because the signal was red and there was no choice for the Nano but to stay where it was. Apparently the Audi got fast and furious that the Nano did not hold her skirt and bow down as it was supposed to. Further things got lame and silly when the Audi driver got out of his car after overtaking the Nano and manhandled the Nano driver who was travelling with his family. Poor Nano was publicly reminded that the road was the ancestral property of the Audis and the BMWs, and that traffic signals were not applicable to them. And that Mukesh Ambani does not enter Reliance offices by swiping his id card. You need to have polarized vision to read unwritten, but pretty obvious celebrity vehicle rules, my Nano friend! 

As for me this is like watching the CARS movie, or a long drive with the hubby, whose mind is full of car politics. For example when we used to drive a Maruti Swift in India, he used to give way to Honda Accord to overtake but not to an i10, because apparently i10 dint have what it takes. May be i10 needed to grow up and become a Honda Accord or something. Other Maruti Swifts with brighter colors and better alloy wheels would not be spared either. And let’s not discuss Nano! This was one of the startling revelations about him I learnt post marriage because till then all the trips I ever went were with Papa and Mummy during which even bicycles overtook us. So after understanding car politics I was like Wow! These guys do not have ANY right to mock us girls, just because we go green eyed when somebody turns up in a brand new dress or handbag. They have mean car politics going on in their heads! Untold dark secrets of stupid car politics!

For the uninitiated, the car-ste system is something like this. The Big B travels in a Rolls Royce because it is old,rich, handsome and elegant just like him. His granddaughter travels in a Mini Cooper, because it is small and cute, and also showcases the brand of the family she belongs to. Salman Khan drives a Range Rover as he is a ‘young’ sporty bachelor, and that’s also something which can kill innocent people on the streets and get away. Other rich businessmen and celebrities drive BMWs, Benz and Audi variants. All other cars, invariably Maruti and Hyundai hatchbacks are owned by honest, taxpaying aam aadmis. And there are classes there too.

Then there are the spoilt brat cars. For example the Ambani kids drive the Aston Martin, some NRI kids of Kerala under ten years of age drive the Ferrari and other rich kids of the Middle East drive Lamborghinis and Porsche, a regular sight for us commoners. And when they race through those lesser travelled roads near the airport, a 5:00 pm weekend sport of rich teenagers, regular cars either stop or reduce speed and shift to a side as a sign of reverence. Or fear.

People choose cars by how it makes them look among others. If you drive to a fancy restaurant in a normal car, the security may gesture you to park outside, but if you go in a shiny SUV, he will open the door for you and park it too. 

In an Indian arranged marriage if the groom comes in a top end car then he is considered to be a great catch by the bride’s nosey relatives. Whereas if the bride arrives in a luxury car, the guy is considered to be lucky and any flaws associated with either of the couple will be conveniently overseen. What if the bride is a notorious college dropout? Her father gave her Audi Q7 as dowry wedding gift…! Instantly she is elevated to sainthood.  

Flashback to year 2007.

I was in Mumbai on a project, with five others, trying to cross a busy road. We stood by the zebra cross trying to make eye contact with speeding drivers for at least fifteen minutes.

Me (to friend): “Let’s start taking baby steps, until we reach somewhere near the center of the road. Then at least somebody will let us pass… come” I took two steps.

A lorry was coming slowly.

Friend: “Hey if you want to die then target that Benz, not this lorry. Atleast the news of your accident will sound cooler.”

P.S : I always had such awesome, 'caring' friends. I still do. Thank you very much J