Sunday, April 17, 2016

Politeness Pays.In Installments.

These days we come across a lot of people who got more than they could handle and spectacularly messed it up. The King of Good Times apparently couldn’t handle 9000 crores. Hrithik Roshan moves like a dream but a breakup was evidently beyond his grip. Fame and position are difficult to handle as they have a blinding effect. Thank God I don’t have to handle either :D

It is indeed a highly competitive world, and there is no place for politeness. People are stressed out all the time. You hear ‘Excuse Me please’, once in a while but you get ‘Hey! Move it!’ every now and then. When did we become so egoistic, rude and ill mannered? Are basic manners slowly becoming a luxury?

I grew up in a household where the majority of shouting was aimed at me (which was well deserved) but everyone else was treated with respect. Mom used to call rickshaw drivers ‘aniya’ which means younger brother, and sometimes she even went over the top when the said person was old enough to be her Dad. Still, end of day, all-Indians-are-my-brothers-and-sisters totally applied. 

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Nowadays, cuss words have become trendy, so is rude behavior. People who are superfluously loud are encouraged by the ones who are victims to them and don’t speak up. Sometimes a mere ‘WHAT?' that is loud enough can change them. One cannot survive with a Gandhian principle in this world, because silence and forgiveness are often used as stepping stones by 'smarter' people.

Recently I was at a dance event rehearsal for which my son was participating. As I waited outside the gates, a volunteer appeared. It was just a rehearsal, there were only a few parents waiting with me, and the volunteer was acting like she was handling the crowd of Filmfare Awards. Volunteers are supposed to handle crowds when they get uncontrollable. They are otherwise expected to be human. I repeat, they are expected to be human, nothing more. This lady started yelling at the top of her voice ‘once you have left your children with us, they are our responsibility, please leave the place’ and repeated that sentence on my face two times on top decibel. I found few kids playing outside the gates – probably those kids were not part of her responsibility. The way she said that – my eardrums partially damaged from her voice. It wasn't necessary. Why do volunteers and security people verbally manhandle people?

I have a voice and the choicest vocabulary to shut her up for good. I most honestly do. Unfortunately I do not unleash the demon in me for the most undeserving people like these. I am not programmed to lose my temper and yell at random people for no reason. I simply can’t. This does not mean I don’t want to. Honestly.

There are many people around, like me. We get angry, we are emotional, but we have evolved into a state in which the threshold that prevents us from getting bothered is high. We are the ones that stopped bothering about the ants under our feet. We are the ones who do not get provoked to say ‘you m*****f*****’ when a person overtakes us on the road. We are the ones who do not get into an argument when a person squeezes himself in front of us in a queue. We are the ones that say ‘It’s Okay’ if a person apologizes after crushing our feet with CAT shoes. We are the ones that forgive another child even if he hurt our own for some reason.

We speak up when it is necessary, not when there is an opportunity. We are the ones who know what dignified silence means. 

All the loud and short tempered people out there, do not take silence for granted from anyone, because if you do, some day you will meet the demon. It is not pretty. 


  1. I have a similar post languishing in my drafts folder. I guess we share the similar angst. Why do people find it so difficult to be nice to each other!

    1. I know, right? All people are angry these days !

  2. Well said, Anita. Like you said, being rude is almost considered to be some fad these days. Being polite seems unheard of. It's definitely sad that there are such people who actually become 'volunteers'.

    1. Yes ! I have also noticed that only educated people behave like this. My housemaid doesn't even lose her temper.

  3. i think its population issue which is influencing people behaviour. like china,india too should follow one child policy. all the rules we have framed in our culture/civilization were broken for comfort.breaking rules brings comfort in short term but with time it makes society haphazard ,making everyday life stressful in different aspects.most of people are angry cuz we live in a haphazard society which makes life stressful.

    in your last post, you wrote that your kid was not silent when everyone was obedient,you felt happy with his kiss though his behaviour was not right. same thing might have happened with volunteer too when he/she was kid.its parenting that reflects in one's behaviour,so most of indian parents are encouraging kids to break rules to become impolite.

    volunteers and security yell at people cuz people don't follow rules and they are fed up to tell each and everyone same thing.people want some privilege though rules are written on wall.volunteer just followed order given by school management.may be you have broken rule by standing outside.your blog post is not clear about the incident. i don't have anything against you,when we write something,it must be rational or factually right.

    1. I assume you have plenty of well raised kids! Congrats to you for that.

      In my previous post I mentioned that on his first day in new class, my kid was walking around when his classmates were seated - I dint say he was not silent. For a person who observes so much I think you conveniently missed this point. Secondly, it was not school management that yelled, it was a random volunteer at a dance practice. There are no rules at a dance practice for a parent trying to make sure her son is ok. Again, even though the post is clearly written you have missed the key words in the content. I don't blame you.When you raise your finger to point at someone, get the clarity and solid ground on what you are going to accuse a person about. If you say that I am not a good parent just because my primary school kid walked around in the class, you could probably be the biggest joker in the history of parenthood - ie if you are a parent.

      Thirdly and most importantly, people have jobs and all jobs require patience. What if a doctor gets frustrated with so many patients walking in for treatment? Is he supposed to yell or prescribe the wrong medicines? Think about it - every single job in this world requires repeatedly doing something. If one gets easily frustrated doing that, they shouldn't do it.

  4. hmm, am not observations are from my kindergarten days when i too was a don't get frustrated with more patients walking in.they get frustrated when a patient disturbs while checking another patient or when attendant is over curious with too many unnecessary questions.its not about questioning one's patience,its about WE as educated behaving like need not have patience if people behave like really educated.

    i don't understand why you are standing outside the gate if parents are allowed to watch rehearsals .in my school,parents of kids were allowed into make-up rooms and auditorium where their kids are need not stand outside and din't mention whether its a school event or a private commercial event.

    you din't understand larger all the best for your future parenting.someday you will realise whatever i wrote.if you don't realise,you have to save money for expensive old age homes to stay when you become old. i will get nothing by offending stranger or by finding fault with you .i wrote what i felt like,comment section is about writing what we feel ,its not about pleasing one should have patience which is genuine for blog comments. if you don't like criticism,its better to buy a diary like in old days and write in it.none will contradict or will criticise.

    hmm am lil harsh. but its for your better future.

    1. Hi stranger-more-concerned-about-my-future-than-my-parents,

      This is supposed to be a MY 'personal' blog.
      1. You trespassed into my blog when I dint force you to read it, and you questioned my EDUCATION.
      2. You made mean comments about me as a mother, and even my kid- when you don't even know me.
      3. I dont have to explain to you where I was waiting and for what reason.
      4. I don't like criticism or comments coming from inexperienced people but I will still write whatever I want on MY blog - this post is not about you.
      5. I dont need your advice, but thank you for the joke- 'it is for better future' HAHAHAHA I mean LOL.
      6. If you do blog hopping just to criticize and make unnecessary comments, you are not welcome here anymore.

      Thanks but NO THANKS,

      P.S: I am not looking forward to your reply. That line you wrote about old age home - I hope you don't have the situation when you have to eat your own words. I forgive you. I will not say a much harsher line back at you, because like I said in my post - I stopped bothering about ANTS under my feet.

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  6. LOL!! That comment above!!! Such useless people in this world!

    I absolutely agree with you. I am the silent types as well. We are a strong community and we speak through our actions. Let these rude ones be!

    1. I know, right? Useless unmarried man making a comment about me! This post has probably irked him the most - cos he is the rude uneducated moron I was talking about :D The culprit responds when it touches the guilt !

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