Monday, September 21, 2009

If only I could..

1.Seize all the street dogs in Bangalore, and dump them at Maneka Gandhi’s house. *Evil grin*

2. Suggest all gadget makers to make gadgets- especially cameras, tolerant to water and rough handling, so that people like me are allowed to touch them.

3. Make pop corns at theatres cheap so that I can afford and eat them peacefully, without calculating the number of movie tickets I could have bought with the same amount. Moreover, during some Hindi movies, these are the only reasons which keep me awake.

4.Send an invitation to Queen Elizabeth to visit my parents so that Mummy has a reason to use her best crockery.

5.Convince Papa to stop smoking. Cigarettes should be denied to Papa from every store, even if he agrees to pay double the price or more.

6.Install repellant rays in front of my car so that either people or animals crossing the road during my arrival will be temporarily paused and I can have a peaceful drive and they can have a longer life.

7.Rats and cockroaches should be banished from the surface of the earth and theory of eco cycle revised.

8.Make all vessels microwaveable and microwaveable vessels unbreakable.

9.Revise Christian wedding wows, which say that the bride should ‘obey’ and groom should ‘love’. Does it mean that the bride doesn’t necessarily have to ‘love’ and the groom doesn’t know what the word ‘obey’ means?

10.Ask God to show some mark of acknowledgement by which we can be sure that He was listening to our prayers. There should not be any typical signs by which we can understand that He is angry, especially during salary revision.

11.Good looks, intelligence, talents and culinary skills must not only be inherited by the first kid of a family. Research should be done by scientists to have some of these left for the second kid also.

12.Ensure that personal issues like tooth decay, be available only to people whom we authorize. It should not be celebrated in the family with occasional irritating sighs of ‘No one else in the family has problems with teeth’.

13.There shouldn't be anything called a ‘ripe age for marriage’ and every girl/boy should be excused from the torture and stigma associated with it.

14.A five minute delay for going to the doctor/vegetable shopping/movie should be tolerated with patience. One should not be stared and silenced as if we are late for the All India Entrance Examination.

15.Lock my sister in a room of my house, with access to food for a day and make her watch animal planet. (She hates animals ).

16.Adult movies can be watched only after 18. But there is no age limit for cartoons. No one should be underestimated for watching cartoons.

17.In corporate circles, a person should be granted the right to choose the person who evaluates him.

18.The cost of Golden Retrievers and Pugs should drop so that people other than The Ambani’s can afford them. (My cousin should be allowed to keep a Neopolitan Mastiff, which she identifies as her ‘Prince Charming’). Such dogs should inherently eat less.

19.Biscuits should be less brittle so that the place where we eat it is not littered. Even if it does, it should not attract ants, but it should still be sweet. Even if it attracts ants, it should not be considered as a grave mistake and people should not be forced to sit at the dining table to eat biscuits.

‘Anita! Are you done with the coding?’

What?

24 comments:

  1. hahahahahahaha...awesome anita!!!

    one of the most funniest post i have ever read n no.11 just rocked :D

    bravo!!! :D:D:D

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROFL!!! One of your best posts ever!!! Really hilarious! Love point 9 and abs love point 4. And 15.. grrrrrrr!

    ReplyDelete
  3. He he danks !!... feels nice to know you laughed! hehe

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do blog if you get these powers.. I need an extension on point 13...badly need an extension.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL!! That point is self explanatory, Anup!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Are you being pressured to be married?
    The marriage vow thing - I think men need to be reminded to love - they get too focused on their careers or the football game.
    Sister hates animals? Anita hates sister? Tell us it's not so.
    That is the oddest biscut ritual - buy some ant spary - kill the buggers.
    Opps almost forgot the most important one. How much is popcorn per corn at the theater? That will keep you busy and give you no time to hate sister. Hee Hee Hee

    ReplyDelete
  7. PPS - How did you get Blunt Edges to use all his letters. Very impressive.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @ Grayquill: Was pressurised to be married- some time back. Now married!
    Men- Career or football game- Neither.In the electronics gadget store checking out blackberry.
    Anita loves sister, anita loves animals. Sister hates animals..!
    High time I buy a repellant for ants!
    Pop corns are very expensive! Love my sister..! Just back home after a weekend holiday with her!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Blunt Edges doesnt use all letters? Lol..! Love his blogs!

    ReplyDelete
  10. lol. that was hilarious. specially no 4. my mom is just the same, so that totally got me.

    there are dinner sets we haven't seen since 1987, which is when my folks bought them. the black hole of crockery is in my mom's kitchen cupboard.

    and you hv a new follower.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks a ton, agent green glass! I'm a big fan of yours!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Agree with most. Especially the first one - i too dream of it.

    Came here via AGG. Love this blog. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  13. @ Slash\\ : Thanks a lot for dropping by :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. @point 11!
    Heehee... :D
    Thank you for making me feel good about being the first-born!
    Good looks, intelligence, talent and...
    (BLUSH)
    I can't go on... (but You pls do)
    ...
    My (younger) sister probly' hates you by the way :D

    You just bought yourself a new fan lady!

    ReplyDelete
  15. @ Pancho : He he .. but I am with your younger sis.. cos I am the second born! SOB.
    And, thanks a ton for dropping by :-) I'm flattered. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dogs and any animals are better than human beings atleast....

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thats true.But they're scary too :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Now this one i enjoyed readin..... dats wots exactly need to make a day at work way lgihter.... nice stuff.!!!

    cheerS!

    ReplyDelete