Online B'day bumps!!!

My sister's b'day falls tomorrow, May 5th. Well she thinks that I am trying to compose a poem of praise for her. So here is my little bday present ;-)

Whoever visited my blog till date knows my Papa and Mummy too well.

Now its time to torment my readers again, as I introduce you to the world’s cutest little weirdo, My Sister.

She is biologically my elder sister, but psychologically, NOT. I will not be discussing weird stuff about her here, cos if I do,  she will unleash a beast capable enough to destroy my will to live.

Just discussing few normal things about her.

She has the weirdest taste in men. Look around and find a random weirdly dressed and insignificant guy. Thats her type.

She is a fan of Chennai Super Kings and spent more time in the toilet than in front of the TV during IPL finals. When they won, she threw a party and treat to her friends and blew up the salary for the month of April. Well I doubt whether the Super Kings themselves ever did that.

She says she had a blackout for...like ten minutes on the day of All Kerala Engineering Entrance examination. ( She is a victim of hyper tension with customized symptoms)

 

My cousin once stuck a sewing needle in her finger and had to rush to hospital. My sister accompanied her trying hard not to look at it. At the hospital, she accidentally saw it and fainted. There were more people gathered around her than my cousin whose operation got delayed cos someone ‘stole her thunder’ :D

She can solve the toughest of Math and Physics equations, but cannot get herself to draw a diagram. Convincing Mummy to draw diagrams in her Biology Record book the previous day of submission always created havoc at home.(She cannot draw straight lines, even with a scale and pencil, but can draw resistors with them).

She has to use the toilet  every 5 minutes on each and every day she has ever written an examination.

Her wardrobe constitutes dresses, all of the same design, in variations of orange or maroon.
( But I can trust her more for honest opinions, than looking at the mirror myself).

Most of her close friends are  at least ten years younger than her.

If she doesn’t like Ms.X, she calls her the most cunning and wicked person she’s ever seen. When she meets Ms.Y and realizes that she is cunning too, she starts to be all praises for Ms.X.

She hates all animals..birds too..or let me put it this way..she hates anything that’s not human. But of course, loves eating them.

When I told her on a long distance call that I cut my finger while chopping vegetables, and added that a little 'blood' came, she felt giddy and wanted to sit down.

So that makes her one in a million :D

Yes she is, and thats my sister ...

   Happy Birthday...and many more happy returns of the day !! 

(Please don't kill me..)

Elevator Fun :-D

In my office, presumably fresher guys (hair stuck up like they got a shock/ low waist pants starting from the thighs/ tip of shoes reminding that of tipu sultan’s/ piercing either near eyebrow or ear/ tattoo/ wearing a watch the size of a clock/ shirt buttoned or should I say ‘unbuttoned’ unprofessionally/ annoyingly whistling or humming always)  are usually irritating when they use the elevator.

When  the elevator reaches the floor of the above mentioned species, they block its doors by standing right at the entrance and start calling their friends, who are sometimes still at workstations or at restrooms!! It is not like it is the last elevator in that route. I have been delayed and irritated many times due to this, but never told anything. No one says anything here, you see.

Few weeks back, I got on the elevator, and there was this foreign white lady, very smart and polite, and a few others inside. She gave me a smile and said a ‘hi’ with elegance. I returned that. The elevator carried on to the next floor. The doors opened to what sounded like a fish market. There was a huge noise, and people deciding whether to get in or not, and one guy quickly came and blocked the elevator door and called aloud, ‘Hey…Rakesh ! Priya! Pooja!..come..!’ The people there who were alerted by the calling of names, turned to him sluggishly and said ‘ Arrey yaar agle lift pe jaayenge…’ To this, this guy said…’ No you come..’ and he dint finish that sentence.

The foreign lady in the elevator tapped on his shoulder and said loudly
 ‘ Either u get in, or just GET OUT!’

The gang of fresher species fell silent, while this guy sheepishly walked inside the elevator and the doors closed behind him. He had hit rock bottom.

Everyone were silent after that. The elevator moved on. The air was thick with controlled laughter of everyone and the damaged dignity of the fresher . However I made a very weird noise through my nose as I got breathless in the process of controlling my laughter.


This guy looked at me, burning with rage. I guess it hurt his nonexistent pride.

As the elevator reached the cafeteria, I got out and pretended to dial someone and laughed my lungs out on a fake call.

Since then, every time I saw that guy , I got infuriated glares from him. It makes my day :D

Just 'google' it!

When I talk about something I assume that the listeners are either aware or know something about it. That’s all Papa does. But he is mentally too extravagant that he takes the luxury of assuming that we are all updated on current affairs and events at the stock market. I know he went too far on that. And I have learnt to nod very convincingly to it, as I check the newspaper only on Fridays to check which movie has released. Well he already has a good idea about me, and pretends that my nod is genuine. I guess he still remembers that I asked him this Easter, whether the ‘Trivandrum Chennai Mail’ is actually a goods train (my tickets were already booked in that)…and also ‘is the train going in this direction or that’ while standing right near the engine.


Also, over the years, I have learnt not to ask the question, ‘where?’ . Both Papa and Mummy has this habit of keeping every item at the right places, and I’ve never seen them searching for anything in all these years ( just sometimes they search for me). And at the start of the day I’d be searching for tooth brush, which is met with a cold stare and ironically, it sets me ablaze. One is denied the fundamental right to search. After marriage things change but my habit of misplacing things continued.

On one unfortunate day, hubby started frantically searching for original documents of the car. We had just returned from hometown the week before and it had been missing ever since. The search continued to the kitchen, the wardrobe, shoe rack…After some time I heard him calling to his home to check whether it is there. His mom searched all over the place, but in vain. Now he turned to me and asked the earth shattering question…’call your mom and ask her to check whether it is there’. I stood bewildered.

( ASIDE: There is a shelf in my home where there are serially numbered files labeled ‘car’, ‘scooter’, ‘Insurance’ etc which contains original and atleast two attested photocopies, and also a laminated index with file number and title to locate the file.)

So coming back to the question…

WHAT???????

I would rather choose to die than ask that question to my Mom.

We needed to talk. I patiently told him, that either we have to visit my parents and search for the documents secretly, or just search elsewhere. There is no way we can ask them that. Hubby was surprised. Very. Looking at me mouth opened. Well, Papa’s reaction would be no different if I told him about this.

It was absolutely something to think about. Hubby was stunned knowing that we couldn’t search for anything at my house, and everyone is expected to keep things at the right places! I lived with it, but it is so weird for others! Or probably as I have told earlier, should be a generation gap issue. :D



And the documents were inside the car itself.

Men trivia.. :)

Men have their own weird rules for everything.

This is with reference to the two men I personally know, my papa and my husband.

If I ask questions on any of these rules, I’d be shuttling between my Dad’s house and my husband’s. So, to be safe I just nod along.

Here are some always-nod-along stuff. 

1.       Buying a dress is sheer waste of money. But spoilers and alloy wheels are essential for a living.

2.       One can eat puddings all the time, it’s no problem. But tea should be drunk without sugar to keep diabetes under control.

3.       One is advised day in and out against watching too much TV, as it gives strain to the eyes. But smoking seems to be good for health.

4.       Christmas tree is not manly, but Nivea moisturizer is.

5.       Chocolates and oily snacks cause cholesterol, but beef fried with grated coconut is good for the heart.

6.     They walk at 60 km/hr and think that others are crawling.

 7.       Men do not stay in wife’s house for more than a night –rule followed religiously by both.

8.       Reading the Bible while at church is cowardly. Turning around to see if anyone is watching him pray is not.

9.       Hitting the pillar behind and ruining the paint on the bumper while in reverse gear is because the ‘pillar settings’ are not good. When I do the same, it is because of negligence.

 10.   News about shortage of drinking water is not so serious. Cos, there is no shortage of beer yet.

11.   The helmet should not be touched as my ring and bangle might cause scratches on it. While at the mall this is not applicable.

12.   News about someone getting married is not a good news for either. Pitying and sympathizing is sure to follow.

13.   After coming back from a marriage, neither remembers the bride’s name . Both remembers the name of caterer and menu.

14.   Till date, neither can say whether I am wearing a salwar or a kurta pyjama.

15.   A patiala bottom is always looked at with sympathy.

 

16.   Buying a new mobile when there are already two unused ones at home is a necessity. If I talk to relatives on long distance calls, it invites illogical calculation on how to save money spent on STD and use it to buy a new mobile!

17.   Two minutes after entering a crowded mall, I lose sight of him. But if I am holding the camera or keys to the car, he will protectively walk behind me. :D











Well, I'd rather also put it this way.. these are also reasons why I adore them so much..!!
By the way, I turned 1 on blogosphere :-) Thought of blowing my own trumpet here :D