Men trivia.. :)

Men have their own weird rules for everything.

This is with reference to the two men I personally know, my papa and my husband.

If I ask questions on any of these rules, I’d be shuttling between my Dad’s house and my husband’s. So, to be safe I just nod along.

Here are some always-nod-along stuff. 

1.       Buying a dress is sheer waste of money. But spoilers and alloy wheels are essential for a living.

2.       One can eat puddings all the time, it’s no problem. But tea should be drunk without sugar to keep diabetes under control.

3.       One is advised day in and out against watching too much TV, as it gives strain to the eyes. But smoking seems to be good for health.

4.       Christmas tree is not manly, but Nivea moisturizer is.

5.       Chocolates and oily snacks cause cholesterol, but beef fried with grated coconut is good for the heart.

6.     They walk at 60 km/hr and think that others are crawling.

 7.       Men do not stay in wife’s house for more than a night –rule followed religiously by both.

8.       Reading the Bible while at church is cowardly. Turning around to see if anyone is watching him pray is not.

9.       Hitting the pillar behind and ruining the paint on the bumper while in reverse gear is because the ‘pillar settings’ are not good. When I do the same, it is because of negligence.

 10.   News about shortage of drinking water is not so serious. Cos, there is no shortage of beer yet.

11.   The helmet should not be touched as my ring and bangle might cause scratches on it. While at the mall this is not applicable.

12.   News about someone getting married is not a good news for either. Pitying and sympathizing is sure to follow.

13.   After coming back from a marriage, neither remembers the bride’s name . Both remembers the name of caterer and menu.

14.   Till date, neither can say whether I am wearing a salwar or a kurta pyjama.

15.   A patiala bottom is always looked at with sympathy.

 

16.   Buying a new mobile when there are already two unused ones at home is a necessity. If I talk to relatives on long distance calls, it invites illogical calculation on how to save money spent on STD and use it to buy a new mobile!

17.   Two minutes after entering a crowded mall, I lose sight of him. But if I am holding the camera or keys to the car, he will protectively walk behind me. :D











Well, I'd rather also put it this way.. these are also reasons why I adore them so much..!!
By the way, I turned 1 on blogosphere :-) Thought of blowing my own trumpet here :D

Home-hunting ..

It is  fun home hunting in Bangalore. Being a notoriously immature couple and dangerously incapable of making good decisions, we set out to make popular beliefs come true.


And yeah, I called one of the not-so-popular builders last day to enquire the starting price for a villa. The receptionist wanted to know our budget. I still thank God to this minute that I dint tell her my budget lest she would have heard the biggest joke of her life…cos.. the starting price of a villa was Rs. 2.6 crores.

Here is why. The villa is in close proximity to the newly constructed Forum Value Mall. We have to take an auto and pay  Rs.40 to get a half kilo onions, but being so close to Forum, we can buy Gucci sunglasses every day, you see.

15 radio songs and 25000 ads later, we reached the site which holds another 'affordable' piece of land. One needs to have trekking shoes and goggles  to reach the exact location. The builder calls it a 'township'. Seriously, barren land, not a tree or road in sight. My husband wondered aloud on why there were no trees, and the builder told that soon there will be…pointing to a budding mango tree the size of a weed over there. If you see the website..it sounds like a Shakespearean tale…’with acres of lush,  green grasses and shady trees which gives your home the soothing comfort of quality, luxury and..blah... blah... blah..."
 I truly admire their immense foresight to the future.

 It was very convincing when the builder also added, that the area was very secure, and we don't need to have pet dogs there…pointing to a gang of street dogs growling at us. Probably he meant to say that we'd have to  tame wild animals to fight these dogs.

Hmmm.

God please help me find a home.

www.confusion.com

I was trying to find where Sangeeth Theatre was... and here is what I found..:-(

Happy Boyz, and happy Gals!

International Women’ day, women’s reservation bill getting passed…oh my ! too much going on in my life. haha
And some, foolishly believe it is going to bridge gender gap.
It is always better to have the gap , you know? Otherwise, what is the difference?
:-D
I can’t help but say that among animals and birds, the male species are more attractive ( yeah they have a purpose for being attractive, I know).

Take for example the Lion.

It looks so sexy with all that fluffy, well maintained, royal mane. I actually gave flying kisses to it at the Bannerghatta National Park (my husband has never been more embarassed).
However the lioness could be easily mistaken as a dog if it weren’t in the same cage as the Lion.

See the peacock, with the bushy tail and bright colours. Pea hen is like an overgrown ordinary hen. No wonder they don’t keep them at zoos.
However, the peacock with all those colours , feathers and rain dance… Seriously, not manly, dude..! Think about it..! Be a man!
Ok I guess its high time I stopped this.. I am questioning the gender of our National Bird.

You know, the cafeteria in my office is jam packed at noon. Getting a chair and table so that one may sit and eat is close to impossible.
What we can do is, take the plate with the inedible lunch in it and look pathetically around. And ask some guy/ girl for the vacant seat next to them. The next thing I know, some guy will signal me with his hands to sit there. Whereas, if it is some girl alone in a table with vacant chairs all around her and I ask for the chair,’ she cruelly responds, ‘Oh I'm sorry.... one of my friends will come…she might need this chair to keep her bag…and that chair to keep her leg..and the other chair also...!#$%^&***&^%

You know, girls are such a horror.

When it comes to friendship, guys are definitely better. A gang of girls as best friends? Works only if they are nuns.

When it comes to choosing restaurants… guys win.

When it comes to choosing a holiday location, girls win.

Choosing a car? Guys win.

Choosing the colour for that car? Girls win.

Humor sense? Guys win! (Girls try to find the hidden meaning and intention of the joke, and by the time they realize, its too late to laugh)

Cleanliness and good memory? Girls win!

Shopping and dress sense? This one belong to girls. We do not have opponents here.

Bowling? Guys win!

Carroms? Girls win!

Marriage? Noone wins!

Yeah! We are made for each other!!

Workstation Grievances :-(

So I am in another facility of my firm for the past three weeks.


Day one, I am just roaming around cafeterias of different buildings trying to find which cafeteria is best for pop corn.
Day two, I have a workstation configured with all client connectivity, outlook and office communicator, and a desk phone.
So in the open cubicle next to mine, I noticed a lady, around 35, coughing.    Unstoppably.

Days passed.

The cough doesn’t stop. Not even once did she bother to cover or use a towel. She just opens her mouth, coughs nauseatingly into the air. And sometimes into her laptop, mobile or desk phone. Now this lady is a manager, very annoyingly loud and rude to her subordinates. So now it is clear why people don’t react.

As Papa and Mummy would be in their respective workplaces, I call them separately during office hours.
Me: Hello Papa..
*cough* *cough*
Papa: What happened Anu? Why are you coughing?
Me: Its not me Papa, just a lady who happen to sit near me.
Papa: And she sits so close to you? Stay away from her!!
Me: So what else… how is work going on?
*cough* *cough*
Papa: You should actually tell her to cover during cough.
Me: So did u both go to see Ammamma yesterday? How is she doing?
*cough* *cough*
Papa: What the hell? How can people behave so irrationally? She is spraying germs into your mouth!
Me: I hear Ammamma is not doing so great. Why dint you bring her home until she recovers?
*cough* *cough*
Papa: You buy her a towel! I will pay you for that!
Me: Okay, bye. *SLAM*

After a few days.

Me: Hi Mummy..you in college now?
*cough* *cough*
Mummy: Dint that sicko recover from that damn cough?
Me: So when are you coming to Bangalore next?
*cough* *cough*
Mummy: How much common sense is required for someone to use a tissue or towel while coughing?
Me: Better come during summer. Bangalore is pleasant in summer compared to Trivandrum.
*cough* *cough*
Mummy: You have such a big mouth for everything else. Why haven’t you told her about the matter?
Me: For God’s sakes , she is a Manager!!
*cough* *cough*
Mummy :[at the peak of her volume]:  How does it matter whether she is a manager or a sweeper!!!!!!!

Sensing a potential threat to my job, I cut that call.

The following week, I suffer from unbearable tooth ache. I update this on facebook and twitter, and people come and console me saying ,’ dear, this is why I say, that you need to brush your teeth’. Haha, very funny.
I even take a leave and stay home due to the pain. The phone rings.

Mummy: Hello Anu..
Me: Hii Mummy..!
Mummy: How is that coughing manager doing?
Me: !!!!!!!!!!$#@#$#%^$^%&^*(&)(
Mummy: How am I supposed to know that you have tooth ache!
Me: You should first ask how I am doing !
*SLAM*

Processor Woes. :-(

 Sometimes it kills me that I am not able to say want I actually want to say. My head, which is my inbuilt processor, is probably processing a lot of requests concurrently, and is inherently slow. So my verbal communication is often delayed and quick responses if any are not logical. And the situations that I get myself into are very complicated even for my processor to interpret, and it takes some time even when I get to see the logical side of it. But some daily life scenarios take a higher priority with my processor. For example, I just met one lady in my project and she introduced herself as ‘Silky’. The very second I found myself laughing at her. At the same time, I also thanked God that my parents did not name me like that…cos if they did, it would have been embarrassingly contradictory. Anyways, the processor works diligently when there is something to laugh. But when there is something serious to think, I would be left wondering whether the existence of a processor is just a myth.




Today, I was crossing one of the busiest roads in Bangalore… the one near Dairy Circle.

I crossed half way through (with some two wheelers wondering aloud whether the road belonged to my Dad… hmm…I wish it was) and waited in the separator awaiting the police to interfere. Another girl was standing near me, wearing an ID card similar to mine, and a shawl covering her forehead and cheeks. Two small eyes were partially visible. In order to cross Bangalore roads and end up alive at the other end, two eyes are not sufficient. This wonder woman was covering half her eyes also. The police came, stopped the vehicles and signaled us to cross to the other half of the road. At the very instant, the wonder woman took out an umbrella and pointed it near me. The next second, it opened in my stomach, the pointed tip of which had now touched my intestines. I yelled with pain, but the wonder woman swooshed past, and reached the other side.
My processor rushed to my stomach and was busy consoling it, that any communication to the verbal end was terminated.
Back in my workstation, I am painfully regretting, in regular intervals, why I hadn’t given her a piece of my mind.

5 minutes:

I should have said, ‘Don’t you have eyes!!!’

30 minutes:

I should have said, ‘ What in God’s name are u doing??’

2 hours:

I should have simply taken the umbrella and thrown it on the road.

4 hours:

I should have taken that umbrella and given her a good thrashing.

6 hours:

I should have killed her.

Back home:

*Wailing* Mummy, one girl opened her umbrella into my stomach..sob sob..and it is paining u know..

Mummy: What were you doing when she took out the umbrella? You should have moved and given some space!

*Wailing harder* I know…I know… Don’t talk to me *SLAM*