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Thursday, January 28, 2016

How well do you know a Programmer ?

Image Courtesy: Here
If someone genuinely asks me what I do for a living I politely dismiss that conversation by saying ‘Software’. This response is so generic that it is like asking me what I had for breakfast and I say ‘Food’. Most people do not ask further questions or prompt me to get into details because who has the time for that, right?  Yes, there are exceptions when a random curious George wants to know exactly what I do. In such scenarios, I humbly reveal that I am a programmer. I get an ‘Oh wow’ or mildly appreciative looks from guys and ‘You Bitch’ looks from ladies. It makes me feel intelligent. I like that feeling. I never had this feeling when I was a student due to obvious reasons, so it is special.

Programmers are NOT nerds and our lives do not suck like it is perceived widely. I mean we are not as hot as the ones you saw in the movie ‘The Matrix’. No, I did not understand any part of that movie but we don’t wear leather body suits and kill people like they did. If you have a programmer friend here are some things you may want to know.

  • A programmer never does the same type of work more than once. Every scenario and logic is different. Hence, they get easily bored unless something or someone is very spontaneous and exciting. We hate anything that is mundane.
  • There is no rule book for any programming language. If an extra space or worse, a dot is typed into the code, the program gets pissed and throws errors as if we broke up with it. We handle super-sensitive tantrum throwing humans with ease.
  • A programmer analyzes codes; they are hawk-eyed by default. They read between the lines. If you plan to date a programmer, pay attention to macroscopic details. Bro, she is going to find that stain on your shirt, unkempt nails and unpolished shoe and judge you on the first sight.
  • They apply logic not only in their codes but also in their lives. No programmer ever got hitched to a politician.
  • Programmers get mad when they are required to change a code that was already written and tested. We don’t like change.
  • Once a program is saved without errors it creates a version in the system. So, if we don’t murder you even after you show your true colors, you have successfully created a version with us and you are special, my friend, truly special.
  • Programmers have debugged a lot of errors, so they know all typical error types. This applies to human beings too. We never forget. If the programmer in question is a woman, then God help you.
  • Writing a program requires patience and passion. We cannot hate our job and write a logically correct program at the same time. We are driven by passion. We don’t write a single line of code just for fun.
  • Programmers have dealt with a lot of major disasters which were a result of trivial errors. Do not mess with us. We have the experience of deleting entire programs and make it look like it dint exist.

If you piss off a programmer, just know that what follows will be a CODE RED situation.


Sunday, January 17, 2016

Evil resolutions !

I realize we are in the third week of 2016 already, and my blog is still in 2015 waiting to catch up.  During Christmas holidays, I was supposed to teach my son a dialogue to be recited at his school Republic Day parade. Like the terrible procrastinating Mom that I am, I did not even read the dialogue myself. Of course I was and still am not a fan of mugging up stuff, and definitely not a fan of doing anything during the holidays. Well, teacher put a lot of pressure on me after, threatening to pass that dialogue to some other child. This is Kindergarten I am talking about, my friends, kindergarten.  Sigh. Let’s observe a moment of silence to all the Kindergarten toddlers who are going to be ripped off their childhood, teenage and youth by this overbearing pressure under the excuse of education.

Soon after, the dialogue was learnt, and teacher said all is well but the word ‘Republic’ did not come easy to my four year old. To be honest that is a word even I don’t get right in the first attempt. Many unsuccessful recitals with Replublic, Republi and Relublics later, it came. Republic Day. 
Man. I have double the count of hair on my head now as I tore apart each and every single one of them in the process. 

New Year also rang in good things for our living room, gadget wise. New speakers, woofer and Surround Sound have come so that now, there is literally NO ESCAPE. Hubby’s movies, mostly involving more missiles than people are now creating war zone right there and I can feel fighter planes chasing me to the bathroom. I think in everyone’s life, there comes a time to sing ‘Let it Go..Let it Go…Turn away and slam the door’. Mine is now. There has never been a more meaningful song.

Image Courtesy: Here

Now that it is the third week from New Year one can almost hear resolutions crashing down on Pizza Hut. This is why I told you, not to have any ‘pla’. I dint and still don’t have a ‘pla’ so nothing crashed apart from my plans of buying new curios for the living room. Now it is occupied with so much stuff that it has been impossible to walk around freely. The silver lining is, I don’t sleepwalk so the chances of me bumping into a speaker and dying are minimal. Possible, but minimal.

Mummy’s cakes that got delivered around the 20th of December were finished even before Christmas so, now there will be a long wait before I taste another piece. Yesterday I called her on Facetime and she showed me a piece she was eating right in front of me without even feeling guilty about it. Evil, I say.  In return, I gave her a piece of err… my mind. Few minutes later, Papa also appeared and before asking me how I was, he said to Mom ‘Did you show her the cake?’.

Apparently my parents’ resolution for New Year is to be evil.

Unlike other resolutions, it is running successfully in its third week. 


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