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Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Luxury in the Vicinity.

Image Courtesy: Here

Recently we moved to a new apartment at a different location in the same city. This shift has given me everything I ever wanted, as all I ever wanted was space. However, for all the excellent neighbors, spacious rooms, and proximity to the beach, we did sacrifice some of the basic facilities we had taken for granted over the years.

My new premises is not favorable to anyone who is even remotely absent minded. In my earlier apartment, if I remembered that I dint have curry leaves after I had started sautéing the onions, I could have got them in less than five minutes. The grocery was nearby and this was a huge blessing for a person like me who is not an advocate of the seven habits of highly effective people. Now things are different. Like the other day I was explaining to a friend on phone.

“Listen ..this place could actually force me to be more systematic”

Friend: (Laughs) “As far as I know NOTHING will make you systematic! By the way what makes you say that?”

“Mannnnn there are no grocery shops in the vicinity. I feel jealous of my Mom who has a grocery in her campus and my sister who lives 10 centimeters away from Nilgiris”

Friend: “Then which part of the earth do you live? What did you consider while you zeroed in on this apartment?”

“Bigger wardrobes”

Friend : “You have your priorities straightened out so early in life”

“You are not helping”

Friend: “Then what is there next to your apartment?”

“BMW showroom”

Friend: (Laughs again, now louder and meaner than before). “Well that’s not too bad!”

“Okay you laugh at my misery. Once you finish laughing I would have taken you off my favorite contacts. They wouldn’t even approve my loan for a BMW ”

Friend: (Laughs harder and almost breathless).

I disconnected the call and remembered that there is no milk, eggs or lentils in the house. I am stuck on the sofa like the dosa sticks on the cast iron tawa. One cannot make me move once I am set there, you see. I would have had a long day at office, I work out in the evenings, but after I have freshened up, finished dinner and hit the sofa, I call it a day. Nothing on earth can make me get up and do anything, unless there is fire under the sofa I am sitting on. I do not plan what to wear next day, or what should be for breakfast, nor do I iron the school uniform or sharpen the pencils. No. That’s not how I function.  The next day is practically next day. If I wake up alive I will do everything in my time. Any advice or tips on how to be more productive is strictly prohibited within my boundaries.

Few minutes later the friend called back. Finally! I sighed. I smiled seeing the name on display.

 “Hello?” I grinned.

Friend: “Hi I am calling to ask the price in Oman for the new BMW 8 Coupe. This is the showroom right?”

“Get Lost”.


Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The Unconditional One.

Sometimes, my 8 year old starts his sentences with ‘Amma when YOU become big…”-

“Oh DUDE I am already BIG ! How else do you think I gave birth to you?”

“Amma not like that…when you become bigger…”

“I can’t get any bigger!”

“Amma ! I mean when you have grey hair and all !!”

“Oh you meant older? Yeah that seems possible..”

“Oh MAA now I don’t remember what I was going to say…the FLOW is lost. You ruined it!!!!!”
FLOW it seems. FLOW! I also lost the FLOW when I gave birth to him I wanted to say, but Anita, CONTROL.
‘Good!’ I snapped at him.

Well, I am honestly grateful he did not finish that sentence. I don’t want him to give me things to do when I have grey hair. I am pretty clear that I am not accepting any KPIs from anyone.

Kids can give us brutal reality checks especially when we need it the least. Like the other day I was wearing a skirt and he said ‘Amma your leg looks FAT”

‘I thought you were watching TV” I sarcastically retorted.

“Yes I am, but I saw your dress” said he, assertively, eyes still fixed firmly on the TV screen.

I was flabbergasted to say the least. He did not have eyes at the back or sides when I gave birth to him. Boys, I tell you!
Image Courtesy: Here

To be honest, none of my family members or friends would put that comment on my face. However for me, unsolicited comments are free. He was watching TV and thought that my leg is fat! And, he was not even watching Motu Patlu. This little guy taps my head occasionally to bring me back to reality from the wonderland I usually live in.

The one little guy who is at times extremely clingy, like “Amma this green peas is slipping away! Can you put in my spoon?” and expects me to come from another room to do that. At other times, he says, “This pink dress is so nice, I wanna hug you” and squeezes the life out of me or ‘Ma one popcorn fell inside my pant, what do you think I should do with it?” .

This eagle-eyed dude also remembers what I said two weeks back, at noon precisely at 2:37p.m. I wonder how we can be poles apart on that one. The other day he was referring to something which his teacher said at the PTA meeting, and me being the Queen of absent mindedness, failed to respond positively and he yelled “Just two days ago, Maaa…how can you forget SO SOON? The Central Government will be so pissed with you!
(Social Studies Reference: “The Central Government takes care of the needs and welfare of the people of the country”).
Well he feels that by being so absent minded I am not doing justice to the Central Government. Little does he know that his Mom gets stuck outside her car with keys inside – in a car which boasts of having intelligent key and anti-lock-in features.  He also does not know that this morning I came to office without my laptop as though I came here to plant trees?
End of day, the most critical one is also the coolest one and is also the one that loves me unconditionally. Whatever I do, say, react, mess up, yell, laugh embarrassingly, add too much salt; he still loves me and my tomato chutney.

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